Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Budweiser "Commitment"

See the commercial here.

Synopsis: In a bar that seems vaguely reminiscent of a Carnival cruise ship duty-free shop, three Eurogay-looking losers are served cheap, American beer by a chatty yet remarkably non-skanky bartender who obsessively lectures them on Budweiser's implausible commitment to quality, upon which she apparently has based all of her hopes and dreams.

You complete me.

Message: It may be little more than urine-colored water, but Budweiser has been brewing the same bland swill for over 130 years, so you've got to give them credit for that.

Time-tested tastelessness

Subliminal Message: Chicks can't tell the difference between good beer and crappy beer, so why should you pay more?

Woman even remotely interested in sleeping with you not included

Memorable Moment: The bartender initiates conversation with her male patrons by using the ever-popular opening line, "Guys, let's talk about commitment ..." Reminding them of the relationship demands of girlfriends they've never had, the three awkward amigos quickly take their eyes off the bartender's chest and look away in palpable discomfort. After a tense couple of seconds, the bartender puts them at ease, saying, "Relax, I'm talking about beer." And talking, and talking ...

Guys petrified by notion of prolonged human contact

"Each bubble represents a tear I've shed for shallow-minded men."

If you touch it, you'll have to marry her.

Disturbing Aspect: Bucking conventional guy wisdom, the bartender isn't sexually aroused by beer -- she's sexually attracted to beer.

Good head

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar ... but this isn't one of them

I'll have what she's having.

Burning Questions: Does this chick also give the tour at the Budweiser brewery? Can she be trusted with the longnecks after closing? For a larger tip, will she recite the history of the salted peanut?

" ... then, after Teddy Roosevelt was elected ... "

Overall Loathsomeness: 7.2

Mitigating Factor: Suddenly, being a misogynistic loner doesn't seem so bad.


  1. I care less about your critique now that I've seen the "Boston Legal" segment. What was the commercial for anyway?

  2. Hot bartenders, and beer you can buy at 7-Eleven.

  3. Forget it. She's engaged to Keith Stone.


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