Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Cheerios "Shut Up Steve"

See the commercial here.

Synopsis: In a suburban breakfast nook fraught with more simmering tension than the Gaza Strip, a pathetic, spineless excuse for a man, "Steve," infuriates his bitter, shrew-like wife by innocently asking if she's slurping up soggy MultiGrain Cheerios in a token and undoubtedly futile effort to shed some of the many pounds she's put on since their unfortunate wedding day, notwithstanding her implausible cover story that she's eating the colorfully-packaged animal feed for "other reasons," which she declines to specify.

Steve steps in it, big-time

"Sounds like someone's ready for another ass-kicking."

Five whole grains stand between Steve and intensive care

Message: A joyless marriage never tasted so good.

Who couldn't love this face?

The secret ingredient is rage

Subliminal Message: The only way to avoid the wrath of your fat, irritable wife is to suppress your pent-up unhappiness and dissatisfaction behind a chippy veneer of emasculated wussiness.

"What did you say to me, you little prick?"

A third less fat than sawdust, but all of the flavor

Memorable Moment: After Mr. Whipped hastily tries to obfuscate his rare display of candor by pointing out that it's "the box" -- not he -- which says that MultiGrain Cheerios is only 110 calories per serving, the bloated, beastly woman he foolishly chose to wed icily snaps, "What else does the box say?" Pausing ever so briefly to ponder the decades of servile supplication that lie ahead, her beloved replies, "It says, 'Shut up Steve.'" Fatty's cold, passionless lips curl up into a triumphant smile.

And so ends ten thousand years of male domination

That's it ... dance for me, monkey ...

You know what else has only 110 calories? Steve's balls.

Disturbing Aspect: Steve, having been beaten senseless by his irate wife the previous week for questioning her decision to eat a tangerine, has been telling concerned friends that the visible cuts and bruises on his body were caused by a bad "fall."

If only General Mills could hear him cry at night ...

Burning Questions: What color is the dress that Steve's wearing just below the camera frame? Outside of professional kabuki theater, has any heterosexual man been able to arch his eyebrows more dramatically than Steve? How many more marriages will MultiGrain Cheerios have to destroy before they take it off the market?

"Oh, look -- the box also says you're a vindictive bitch."

Overall Loathsomeness: 9.8

Mitigating Factor: This commercial originally aired in Great Britain, which pretty much explains everything.


  1. I agree completely with your review on this one. After seeing this commercial, I am grateful to have never been married.

    But then I hear an Air Supply song and go back to yearning to be loved.

  2. I think it would be a much better commercial if she asks, "What else does the box say?" and he replies, "I want a divorce, bitch."

  3. I've enjoyed this story and the subtitles :-) I have a blog with similar theme to this story and you may find it interesting to see how a women's anti-cancer campaign in Australia has chosen the theme of excluding and humiliating men. It's at

  4. Give General Mills' ad agency some credit for producing one of the most overtly emasculating commercials of all time.

  5. you can almost see his balls shrivel up and fall off as he utters the words "box says 'shut up steve'".


  6. Every man who is seriously contemplating marriage should be forced to watch this commercial before popping the question.

  7. hahahah, imagine what will happen if the role is reversed. woman walking in and asking the husband if he is watching his weight. all the fat wives in the world will do more than complaining about the ad here.

  8. No self-respecting man would ever eat MultiGrain Cheerios -- but Steve would gulp down a bowl and ask for seconds. Heck, if it would satisfy his wife, he'd probably eat the box ... which actually might taste better.

  9. More like.. the secret ingredient is domination.

  10. How does the fact that it aired in the UK "explain[s] everything"? Just wondering. Seems to me that the excoriating, emasculating vilification of men by women is pretty much an internationally accepted currency. ..?

    1. Well, it's certainly true that there's no shortage of examples here in the U.S., so your point is well taken.


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