Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Brinks Home Security "Popcorn"

See the commercial here.

Synopsis: An ex-babysitter with boundary issues turned usurping second wife shamelessly bids for the reluctant affections of her newly-acquired, not-yet-obese stepchildren with the promise of a movie and popcorn, when Joe the Plumber, perhaps attracted by a vase of bright yellow sunflowers, suddenly tries to break into the house, setting off the family's Brinks Home Security alarm and prompting a phone call from the on-duty Ken doll at Brinks' dispatch center, who calmly diverts police resources from more serious emergencies before charging the customer a $99 reactivation fee.

"Brinks Home Security -- how may my hair help you?"

Message: Brinks will stop malicious intruders from entering your home to commit brazen acts of theft, mayhem, and violence. Unless they're not afraid of loud noises -- then you're screwed.

Thanks to Obama, thuggish, illiterate white men must turn to crime

Subliminal Message: You may think you're safe, but you're never more than one popped kernel away from handing over the good silverware at knifepoint.

Wire cutters sold separately

Memorable Moment: While the older child jumps up immediately in response to Stepmom's panicked screeching, her defiant little brother remains planted in front of the TV set which has raised him since birth.

He'll have to pry Teddy from my cold, dead hands.

Disturbing Aspect: The children's movie is a North Korean animated film about capitalist trolls who live in the sewer and eat their young.

Coming up next: "A Clockwork Orange"

Burning Questions: Was anyone injured in the tornado that blew the roof off the house? Why did Stepmom lead the kids to a small upstairs room from which there is no apparent escape? Are we still getting popcorn?

God watches potential tragedy unfold from above; does nothing

Overall Loathsomeness: 5.5

Mitigating Factor: If the alarm system fails, resulting in your death, Brinks will take 10% off your next purchase.


  1. I find this ad to be incredibly sexist. The woman must cower in a child's room, waiting for the man who looks vaguely like that wimpy tool that they got to play the last Superman to save her? A wise latina woman such as myself would tazer that guy's ass faster than you can say Wurzelbacher.

  2. Actually, I think all the Superman actors have been kind of wimpy--what's up with that curl across the forehead? However, I did discover new respect for Ben Affleck after seeing Hollwoodland; he deserved an Oscar for that performance.

    Oh, and btw, totally agree with you about the sexist thing! ;)

  3. Brinks evidently is more concerned about racial stereotyping than gender stereotyping; note that the intruders in all of their commercials are always white males.

  4. I do love the recent home security one, which I think is from ADT, about a woman coming home during a burglary. The guy, who is dressed just like every guy you'll see at the mall, just casually strolls out of there once she sees him with an insincere "sorry" type look on his face.

    But the most amusing thing about it, which I see in many other home security ads, is that the guy apparently rampaged through the house randomly destroying things, as we see a number of broken (but sentimentally valuable!) objects that he apparently broke for no other reason than burglars are assholes.

    They really ought to have gone all out with that, and showed a child being horrified at the lineup of her stuffed animals, all decapitated, before panning over to see the big steaming pile of shit the burglar left on the chaise lounge.

  5. Anyone who owns a chaise lounge deserves to be burglarized.


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