See the commercial here.
Synopsis: On an abandoned hardwood roller-skating rink encircled by the dozen trees which will remain on Earth after General Motors finishes destroying the environment, badly aging ex-NFL has-been Howie Long extolls the virtues of the monstrous 8-passenger Chevy Traverse to a freakish red-haired urchin, Maggie, who looks like a cross between a whored-up Raggedy Ann and the head-spinning demon-child from The Exorcist.
The power of Christ compels you to get only 24 mpg
Message: If you're willing to plunk down 30 or 40 grand for a rolling monument to everything that's wrong with America on the advice of a man who is regularly outwitted by Terry Bradshaw and an anonymous child actress destined to die of a cocaine overdose before her 18th birthday, then this is the car for you.
Also picks the Lions to go all the way this year
Subliminal Message: Don't worry -- odds are that Western civilization will collapse before you have to finish paying it off.
Comes with optional casket
Memorable Moment: Howie rips out a narrow seat from a nearby Toyota Highlander, to illustrate that the Highlander is inadequate for today's juice-fed children, then compares it to a virtually identical seat buried deep inside the Traverse, to illustrate that Howie is a moron.
The highest I.Q. is in the middle
Disturbing Aspect: Maggie notices that Howie has become unduly excited by the prospect of contributing to global warming and increasing our dependence on foreign oil.
Burning Questions: Did Maggie's parents have any reservations about allowing their daughter to go off with a strange man who wanted to show her the inside of his car? How much of GM's bailout money went towards Maggie's lipstick? Does Howie have even the slightest inkling of what a huge schmuck he's become?
Evil has a new face ... and it's adorable
Overall Loathsomeness: 9.2
Mitigating Factor: During recent bankruptcy proceedings, Maggie was auctioned off to satisfy GM's Chinese creditors.