Thursday, July 23, 2009

Mountain Dew "World of Warcraft"

See the commercial here.

Synopsis: Two members of the exclusive sorority of young, thin, attractive women who (a) never have to buy their own food, and (b) are too socially successful to waste their time on dork-culture video games improbably stand in side-by-side checkout lanes at a supermarket when their simultaneous purchase of 5 billion calorie Mountain Dew Game Fuel suddenly causes them to transform into battling characters from "World of Warcraft."

You should see what happens when someone buys Quaker Oats

Message: Mountain Dew stands ready to satisfy both your pre-diabetic craving for brightly-colored sugar water and your post-psychotic desire to experience shocking acts of violence.

If you don't drink it, then the terrorists win

Subliminal Message: As you've long suspected, women who refuse to date you are actually bloodthirsty alien creatures in disguise.

OK, then how about Saturday night?

Memorable Moment: While the oversized, purple and green warriors engage in mortal combat throughout the store, other shoppers seem only mildly concerned.

Customer pauses to watch mayhem before resuming search for condoms

"Ooo -- Robitussin is on sale!"

Disturbing Aspect: Playing to stereotype, the blonde shopper evolves into a shapely, unmistakably-feminine "Night Elf," while the brunette shopper morphs into a hideous, anatomically-male "Orc Grunt."

I think we all know who drew the short end of the stick on this one ...

Burning Questions: Why did they call the police when you brought your sword to the supermarket? Is it true that Game Fuel and Mentos can be used to create a crude atomic device? Will anyone be left alive to do the cleanup in Aisle 6?

Guaranteed to speed up the checkout process

Overall Loathsomeness: 6.4

Mitigating Factor: Both the Elf and the Orc respectfully complied with the "10 Items or Less" express line limit.


  1. See, I'm just taken right out of this commercial when I realize that no supermarket anywhere on this earth would have two open lanes next to one another, much less two limited number lanes. One of those cashiers would be running off to the break room the moment her lane opened up so fast a bomb could have hit the place without her noticing.

  2. Notably, the cashiers flee the store as soon as fighting breaks out, making no effort to help customers escape the Dew-fueled rampage. Assuming that someone eventually bothered to alert authorities, it must have made for an interesting 911 call, at least.

  3. Oh Blizzard, you just love wasting our money don't you? Azeroth Choppers killed WoW for me forever, and good riddance.

    1. I had to look most of that up. I'm from the "Space Invaders" generation, so, um ... yeah.


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