Axe "Dirty Boy"

See the commercial here.

Synopsis: In an otherwise bland and joyless suburban shopping mall, several insanely hot women wearing tight-fitting tank tops unleash a live pig with instructions to locate a guy with oily hair, then give the dazed greaseball an impromptu shampoo to make him suitable for their mindless fawning.

I know this is wrong ... but it feels so right.

Message: Axe Intense Shampoo can convert you from a geeky, video game playing swine magnet to the type of hipster dork Lothario uncontrollably desired by amazing, model-caliber chicks everywhere except on Planet Earth.

A guy like this, irresistible to women? Yeah, when pigs --

Uh ... never mind.

Subliminal Message: It's not the 107 other unappealing aspects of your appearance and personality that are keeping you from getting a date -- you're just using the wrong shampoo.

Look for it in the phallic packaged products aisle


Totally plausible

Memorable Moment: The porcine bloodhound stops at the mall's Food Court to terrorize a lady eating a McDonald's bacon cheeseburger and slop up her 16-ounce Sprite.

"Is this diet?"

Disturbing Aspect: Other shoppers make no move to intervene when Greasy Gus is struck by the plummeting pig.

"Sorry -- I'm on my way to Radio Shack ... "

Burning Questions: Is it really possible that 6% of girls don't agree that "dirty, greasy hair on a guy is a turn-off"? Are donations to AxeHairCrisisRelief.org tax-deductible? Where exactly is that mall located, and what is the fastest way to get there?

The joke is lost on Darfur

Overall Loathsomeness: 5.4

Mitigating Factor: No animals were harmed during the filming of this commercial, unless electroshocking a pig to jump off a 25-foot balcony counts as "harm." But that's kind of a gray area.