Thursday, August 6, 2009

Dairy Queen "DVR"

See the commercial here.

Synopsis: Two conniving kids use the TV to hypnotize their mother into a stuttering, dessert-buying zombie in order to avoid cleaning up their toy-strewn living room.

I feel something ... almost as if my soul was leaving my body ...

Like "Village of the Damned" ... with brownie batter

This is the highest-rated program on Fox

Message: All of life's problems can be solved by fatty foods.

Come to think of it, I COULD stand to gain a few pounds ...

Subliminal Message: You don't have to wait until you become a depressed, morbidly obese loner or move to Alabama before you start slurping up DQ's syrupy piles of goo.

In Myanmar, it's called "a year's worth of calories"

Memorable Moment: While the boys are busy fiendishly manipulating their mother's soft cerebral cortex, some of their toys magically materialize and rearrange themselves on the rug in the foreground, while others make a desperate attempt to escape from the trunk in the corner.

Boys look up from game of canasta to watch Mom lose her mind

As reward for Mom's brainwashing, Satan provides new toy ramp

Disturbing Aspect: Before Mom walks in, the older boy catches his little brother trying to learn more about puberty.

This could turn ugly fast

Burning Questions: Why is the older boy wearing two shirts in the summertime? If the boys played a commercial for Absolut Citron, would Mom buy them a bottle of vodka? What will Dad do when he finds out that someone taped over the last two minutes of the Lakers game with a Dairy Queen commercial?

Next, let's talk about raising my allowance ...

Overall Loathsomeness: 6.6

Mitigating Factor: Mom is much easier to deal with now that she's a hyper-suggestible automaton.


  1. i know the big brother he went to my school i didnt know he was in comercials....

  2. Hopefully he doesn't eat at Dairy Queen too often, or else his next commercial probably will be for a diabetic supply company.


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