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Monday, August 31, 2009

NHTSA "Over the Limit"


See the commercial here.

Synopsis: On behalf of the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, three blitzed boozers illustrate their utter contempt for humanity in an amusing fashion by pumping their cars full of alcoholic beverages appropriate to their respective socio-economic status and then speeding crazily along America's motorist-free country roads and city streets in order to test local police agencies' ability to investigate absurdly-obvious examples of aggravated DWI.


Just another night in Western Kentucky

Message: If you're so loaded that turning the interior space of your car into a giant martini fish tank sounds like a good idea, you probably should call a cab.


"What seems to be the problem, Officer?"


"I know this looks bad, but it's actually a pretty funny story."

Subliminal Message: If you stay cool, they'll never catch you.

"Oh yeah? Well, [hic] YOU'RE over the limit!"

Unfortunately, most of the Force was tied up at Professor Gates' house

Memorable Moment: The driver of the martini car picks up a floating olive and pops it in his mouth before being pulled over.


He almost ate a floating lint-encrusted Sucret by mistake

Disturbing Aspect: Despite observing hundreds of gallons of liquid intoxicants pouring out of the plastered drivers' vehicles in colorful waterfalls, the cops still appear uncertain as to whether there's cause to make an arrest, politely asking each driver, "Sir, have you been drinking?"


Something doesn't feel right ...


"That had better be beer, Mister ..."

Burning Questions: Are there any drunk drivers besides white males aged 28 to 41? How many breath mints does it take to mask the smell of a Pontiac full of red wine? After these guys finally succumb to alcohol poisoning, will their livers be displayed at the County Fair?

Don't worry -- that'll wash right out.

Overall Loathsomeness: 5.7

Mitigating Factor: No one was Tasered to death while the cameras were rolling.

12 comments:

  1. I never noticed the alcoholic beverage was tied to the appearance of the drunk. I don't think the government should engage in "alcohol profiling."

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  2. Yes, that's kind of rude, isn't it? But I had missed the floating olives altogether before! ;)

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  3. Whatever their stereotypical spirit, you have to give these guys some credit -- turning a submerged steering wheel is harder than it looks.

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  4. the only way you can get pulled over when you're white is to fill the goddamned car with booze.

    teadoust

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  5. And even then, the cops are confused and reluctant to arrest you.

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  6. You guys are looking to create racial issues even if they are not important to the commercial or don't exist.

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  7. Another example of why you should only roll down your window enough to pass your ID to the cops, prefereably 1 to 2 inches.

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  8. Where do they still sell Sucrets? I need some...

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    Replies
    1. CVS -- behind the counter, where the cigarettes used to be.

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  9. Of course all the drivers are white. If there were any black drivers, the alcohol would be leaking out of the 67,500 bullet holes the cops put in the sides of the car.

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    Replies
    1. Well, if something as outrageous as that happened, I'm sure a grand jury would ... uh, never mind.

      Delete

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