Thursday, August 20, 2009

Requip "Mystery"

See the commercial here.

Synopsis: A suggestible, sleep-deprived woman solves the mystery of her spastic nighttime leg thrashing by attributing it to a made-up disease that she reads about in a magazine, then cures herself of the fictitious aliment by eagerly ingesting expensive, potentially-harmful medication, freeing her up to do crossword puzzles while her husband cowers in fear upstairs.

From landlord's spy cam, her predicament is surprisingly hot

Message: The next time you find yourself kicking the crap out of your spouse or lover for no apparent reason, blame it on "Restless Legs Syndrome."

The cycle of violence prevents him from leaving

Subliminal Message: If there's a scientific-sounding name for it, then it can't be just your screwy imagination.

"Did you see this article in Hypochondriac Today?"

Memorable Moment: After taking Requip, Mary McFidgety completes the entire New York Times crossword puzzle in the blink of an eye, without knocking over her nearby drink.

Suppressing nausea, drowsiness, and dizziness, Mary begins

Seconds later, Mary fills in last word before throwing up

Pitcher of Long Island Iced Tea remains safely intact

Disturbing Aspect: While attempting to function independently of her brain, Mary's rebellious legs communicate their intentions in bright, phosphorescent letters.

"Must ... perform ... Riverdance."

Burning Questions: What is the clinical definition of "creepy-crawly?" Will Requip's bizarre side-effects provide a boost to the struggling Las Vegas tourist industry? How do drug-pushing GlaxoSmithKline executives avoid succumbing to their collective guilt and shame?

Why do I suddenly want to play blackjack and have wild sex?

Next from GSK: remedy for Beating Heart Syndrome

Overall Loathsomeness: 7.5

Mitigating Factor: The sex part.


  1. "article in Hypochondriac Today" and Must...perform...riverdance.." hysterical..;)

  2. Hypochondriac Today is now available on iPad.


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