Sunday, August 9, 2009

Zyrtec "Puppy"

See the commercial here.

Synopsis: While settling into a new home that has the same warmth and charm as the waiting area of a community college admissions office, a young woman with an unfortunate hairstyle showcasing her prominent skull irritates her husband and terrorizes her dog while obsessively trying to ascertain the source of her psychosomatic allergy, until the nice doctor prescribes more drugs to chemically sedate her into believing that this is the life she always wanted.

Is it possible that I'm allergic to ... myself?

Message: Taking another pill is easier than vacuuming the house once in a while.

"To avoid drymouth, just wash it down with a couple glasses of wine."

Subliminal Message: Unlike your exasperated loved ones, Zyrtec won't judge you for being crazy.

If she keeps this up, they're gonna find her head in my bowling bag ...

Memorable Moment: While searching for invisible dust mites, Allie Allergen discovers a colony of evil leprechauns under the shag carpeting.

"If you burn down the house, we'll bring you gold!"

Disturbing Aspect: Growing increasingly frustrated, Allie violently throttles her helpless puppy for getting pet dander on her skirt.

"How do like THAT, you little shit? Huh? Huh?!!"

Burning Questions: When observing potential side effects for product labeling, how did Zyrtec lab technicians distinguish between the listed effects of "tiredness" and "drowsiness" in their sacrificial chimpanzees? Will Allie still be able to operate heavy machinery? When did Alan Alda get his medical license?

Pills and respiratory mask also serve as silent tribute to Michael Jackson

Overall Loathsomeness: 6.3

Mitigating Factor: Once Zyrtec opened up Allie's clogged nasal passages, she immediately contracted the swine flu.


  1. This is hilarious!!

  2. This seals it. I'm totally putting John on Zyrtec so I can get a cat. Oh. That rat thing she's holding is a dog. Never mind.

  3. Alan Alda may not have a medical degree but he did play a doctor on TV. If he stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night, I'd have complete trust.

  4. Perhaps Zyrtec's new celebrity product endorser will be Michael Vick.


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