Monday, September 14, 2009

Dish Network "Switch"

See the commercial here.

Synopsis: On the advice of their cheerfully judgmental, television-obsessed friends, a couple of vacuous nincompoops living in a Crayola-colored house solve their crippling money problems by adopting an all-broccoli-and-carrot stick diet and switching their satellite provider from DirecTV to Dish Network.

With the extra cash, they might be able to buy ranch dressing

Message: Your massive mortgage and credit card debt can be alleviated by saving a few bucks a month on a luxury item you couldn't afford in the first place.

"And here I thought we'd have to start living within our means."

"The Spice Channel saved our marriage."

Subliminal Message: Spending slightly less for thousands of hours of crappy programming that you don't have time to watch makes you a financially savvy consumer.

Golf is equally boring on Dish Network and DirecTV, so why pay more?

If you sit this close to the screen, you'll get a really nice tan

It's also terrific for communicating with spirits of the dead

Memorable Moment: The guys valiantly try to convince themselves that they don't need NFL Sunday Ticket.

Experience the thrill of intense Canadian Football League action

Signal briefly lost when ladybug lands on rooftop receiver

Disturbing Aspect: Two young children momentarily appear on the couch in front of the TV; then, perhaps after being pushed out on the street to raise additional funds for their parents' entertainment, the kids are never seen or heard from again.

Inspired by ocean scenes, kids later joined band of Somali pirates

Burning Questions: Are reruns of "Saved by the Bell" better in HD? How long after initial installation does it take for the brain tumors to appear? What is it about these people that makes you want to run them down with your car?

They don't have Dish Network in the ICU.

Overall Loathsomeness: 9.4

Mitigating Factor: Dish Network comes in great on calm, rain-free days when the outdoor temperature is between 59 and 73 degrees and no aircraft or wildlife are flying within a 100-mile radius of your home.

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