Thursday, September 17, 2009

Resolve "Deep Down Dirt"

See the commercial here.

Synopsis: After thoroughly vacuuming her already spotless carpet, a flighty, guilt-riddled housewife is interrogated by an effeminate Resolve product pitchman who's broken into her home to critique her cleaning skills and frighten her young child.

The legendary Resolve Fairy appears from behind the couch

"Girlfriend, I've had it up to HERE with your dirty carpets."

Little Madeline is down to two packs a day

Message: You may think that you keep a clean house, but as revealed by an ordinary scanning electron microscope, you've actually been wallowing in your own filth.

Some see image of Mikhail Gorbachev; others, cat pee

Subliminal Message: You have failed as a wife and mother.

Resolve judges you harshly

Memorable Moment: Spurred by haunting music, Mom rushes to save her daughter from invisible dirt particles embedded deep in her carpet fibers.

Another child almost lost to Sudden Carpet Death Syndrome

Maybe it would stay cleaner if you didn't put pizza on it.

Disturbing Aspect: After revacuuming around a specially displayed china urn, Mr. Resolve empties a pile of fine, powdery ash in front of the traumatized child.

Some of that is Grandpa

Resolve guy briefly trapped in Phantom Zone from "Superman II"

Burning Questions: Isn't it time for Mom to start locking her doors during the day? If the Resolve guy visited, say, Uganda, would his head explode? Are other fashionable clothing items included in Resolve's fall line of apparel?

"Say hello to my little friend."

Overall Loathsomeness: 7.7

Mitigating Factor: In today's troubled economy, it's good to know that there are still job opportunities for roaming, carpet-cleaning home intruders.

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