Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Smirnoff "Foam Pool"

See the commercial here.

Synopsis: With the stealthy precision of a team of Navy Seals, a multicultural mob of bored, alcohol-fueled twenty-somethings risk arrest and quadriplegia to take over a dilapidated building in what is supposed to be an American city, but which strangely looks more like Sao Paulo, so that its members can achieve their cherished, hours-old dream of filling an empty rooftop swimming pool with dingy mattresses and colorful foam bricks for a drunken nighttime diving competition.

So THAT'S where all my good foam bricks went!

Nothing unusual here ...

Sign in ostensible U.S. elevator warns not to exceed 2000 kg

Message: With Smirnoff and a sense of adventure, you and your like-minded friends will be able to say, "We were there," even if you don't remember why, or for how long, exactly, and your court-appointed lawyer advises you not to talk about the rest.

The official beverage of thrill-seeking Brazilians

Portuguese-speaking women hurl pillows in view of high-rise slum

Subliminal Message: After downing ten shots of vodka, "dangerously insane" becomes a relative term.

If you're hammered, this makes perfect sense

Just one bottle away from foam-jumping with Jesus

Unfortunately, a few regular bricks got mixed in by mistake

Memorable Moment: Trying to speed things along, the fun-loving crew uses a borrowed wood chipper to spray shredded foam bits into the swimming pool.

I think this might violate the rental agreement ...

Disturbing Aspect: Wasted guys do double gainers into the concrete-lined pool before being medevaced to the hospital.

"Mom! Mom! Look at me ... !"

Months later, Ramon will learn how to blink the alphabet

Burning Questions: Does Smirnoff really believe that its minuscule, barely-legible "Please Drink Responsibly" request, flashed in the closing seconds, is sufficient to offset the fact that no responsible drinkers are actually shown in the commercial? How many screwdrivers does it take to decide that thrashing about in someone else's old bedding, worn couch cushions, and discarded packing material is an appealing idea? Did YouTube's servers get overwhelmed by the thousands of videos posted by impressionable morons who tried to replicate this stunt?

By the time they found Michael Phelps' body, it was too late

Overall Loathsomeness: 6.2

Mitigating Factor: Before their intense hatred of Western civilization was dulled by alcohol abuse and pastel polyurethane, these disaffected young adults were planning to join al-Qaeda.


  1. I posted about this commercial on my own blog months ago- plus the one where the morons splash paint all over an abandoned gas station and jump up and down like retards with lightbulbs attached to their heads, and the other where they risk spinal injury hurling themselves down sheets of wet plastic. The tagline should not be a woman gushing "I was there," but "I was there and survived to deny it."

    Your site is a riot, hope you enjoy mine!

  2. Message: fun! (oh, and 'think for yourself' by buying something). Unfortunately, these commercials are probably pretty successful in conveying that simple idea. Are these things basically wine coolers?

    I love your blog! I could always use more satire driven commentary on what is basically the death of American culture.

  3. I liked the Michael Phelps line the best. ;)

  4. I like one of the opening lines- "we were thinking about it, and then suddenly people started coming...." wow, they must have telepathy or something- a bunch of self-absorbed, apparently unemployed losers are lying around chatting aimlessly about how cool it would be to fill a pool with foam, and like-minded idiots start gathering like flies around honey, bringing along massive piles of the stuff with them?

    I notice that this third entry to the "Drink Smirnoffs and do something incredibly pointless and stupid" storyline has been around for a while- maybe there won't be a fourth, because the good people at Smirnoffs can't think of anything dumber than this.

    Seriously- even if you are completely tanked, this activity looks like it's going to be fun for maybe three minutes. Then what? Who is going to clean all this up?

  5. Were it not for the ice tub of vodka bottles and unusually high energy level of the foam-swiping saboteurs, you'd think that this was a commercial for pot -- only then, someone probably would have lost a hand in that wood chipper.

  6. They've recently unleashed what I hope is the last ad in the series: this time, the vodka-fueled freaks stage an impromptu rave in an abandoned subway tunnel.

  7. The subway tunnel ad is recycled from Great Britian; clearly another great example of responsible drinking.

  8. The Dragon Pool is a fully heated, family run indoor/outdoor pool with adjoining heated changing rooms and showers. The pool is available for you and your family to use as your own. oakland safety pool fence

    1. Hey, that's terrific -- thanks so much! I always wanted to know where I could find an indoor/outdoor pool with adjoining heated changing rooms and showers that's available for me and my family to use as our own! Oakland, here we come! Could you please provide directions? It looks like you accidentally posted a spam link instead.


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