See the commercial here.
Synopsis: In a scene which looks about two or three decades behind the times, a miserable, man-faced mother suffering from profound loneliness and debilitating sinus pressure struggles to confirm the answer to a multiplication flash card given by her bratty and impatient home-schooled daughter before being relieved by the head-clearing high of Sudafed OM Nasal Spray.
= number of guys who didn't call after speed-dating
"Do I stutter? I said TWELVE, you inattentive hag!"
Message: By taking a few snorts of Sudafed, you might be able to drag your big yoga-proof butt one day closer to the grave without sending your horrible child there first.
"How would you like to have a time-out in the oven?"
Subliminal Message: Buy it now, while it's still legal.
1 million substance-abusing teens can't be wrong
Memorable Moment: Sudafed reimagines the inside of the unhappy mother's head as the neurobiological equivalent of the Department of Motor Vehicles.
Just another day in Mom's frontal lobe ...
Magic "RUSH" stamp appears underneath number on card
Disturbing Aspect: In a degrading display which subconsciously mirrors real events from her own rock-bottom romantic life, Mom's alter-ego at "Internal Nasal Services" is forced to place the stupefying flash card into a phallic-shaped pneumatic tube canister by a churlish male coworker closely resembling her ex-husband, who then uses it to make a crude, sexually-suggestive gesture.
God, I hope his pants are zipped this time ...
"Yeah ... I like the way you handle that ..."
"Bet you want some more, don't ya?"
Burning Questions: Is Sudafed's hilarious depiction of the inner workings of the human brain scientifically accurate? Isn't the correct answer to the multiplication question right on the back of the flash card? Does Internal Nasal Services offer a good pension plan?
Image taken from Gray's Anatomy (40th Ed.), p. 543
"Okay, now let's see how you do on Creation Science."
Overall Loathsomeness: 7.3
Mitigating Factor: After two more anxious hours, the precocious little darling finally drank her poisoned milk.