Friday, October 16, 2009

Avlimil "Frisky Mamas"

See the commercial here.

Synopsis: Having previously resigned themselves to being little more than jaded empty vessels for their fat, fumbling husbands' diminishing need for sporadic sexual release, a determined group of rapidly decaying, middle-aged women with Eisenhower-era homemaking sensibilities rediscover their long-dormant passion and desire by taking colorful tablets composed of horticultural extracts traditionally used in countries where people have learned the keys to unlocking our full human potential, yet somehow lack clean drinking water.

Tonight we're gonna party like it's 1959

Nothing's sexier than orthopedic bath pillows

Unless it involves bowling, he has no idea what to do next

Message: Finally, an answer to the age-old question of "What Women Want" -- Damiana Leaf, Soy Isoflavones, Ginkgo Biloba, Panax Ginseng, Schisandra Fruit, and Black Cohosh Root. It was right there in front of us the whole time.

The secret ingredient is dicalcium phosphate

Subliminal Message: They may have poisoned your cat food, but Chinese farmers know how to make you horny.

"And I used to think the problem was my loveless marriage."

Memorable Moment: Professor Witherspoon is surprised by his normally reserved wife's brazen move to grab his attention.

"This is highly irregular, Glenda ... "

"It's smaller than I remembered, but I guess it'll have to do."

Disturbing Aspect: This:

Something has gone horribly, horribly wrong ...

One banana is missing

Ignoring Patty's mating dance, Frank returns to Racing Form

Dear God, please make it stop ...

Burning Questions: What creative genius came up with Avlimil's cleverly obscene "bird in flight / vaginal happy zone" logo? Is one of the side-effects of Avlimil an uncontrollable urge to clean the house? Does "FDA Cleared Formula" mean that, after extensive clinical testing, the FDA agrees that Avlimil "reignites the flames of intimacy and satisfaction," or merely that there's currently no evidence that Avlimil makes you go blind?

That old vibrating vacuum cleaner doesn't seem so bad anymore

Afterward, Carol and the Hoover reflect on deepening relationship

Overall Loathsomeness: 9.5

Mitigating Factor: After "What's With Mama?" won "Best New Jingle" at the AdWorld Commercial Music Awards, Kanye West burst onto the stage and gunned down the entire Avlimil marketing team.

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