Monday, October 12, 2009

eHarmony "Be Yourself"

See the commercial here.

Synopsis: A completely random sample of nuzzling couples, all of which happen to consist of artsy, childless, hip-liberal urban professionals from Cambridge, Massachusetts who shop at J.Crew and Pottery Barn, explain how they bravely overcame a lifetime of crushing rejection by discerning, non-desperate members of the opposite sex to find true love through the timeless, storybook romance of computerized matchmaking.

Cheaper than a mail-order bride, and a lot less paperwork

Message: Somewhere out there, the right person with broadband access, low self-esteem, and $59.95 is waiting for you.

Come and get him, girls!

Subliminal Message: Don't forget to take off your wedding ring.

"I couldn't believe how quickly she put out."

"You haven't started taping yet, right?"

Memorable Moment: Karen watches with growing concern as her algorithmic but non-refundable soul mate practices with an imaginary hockey team.

"Yes" answer to schizophrenia question should've been a red flag

Disturbing Aspect: A web-based corporation tries to discover "who you are, at the very deepest levels," and then diligently passes that information along to fee-paying social misfits, isolated weirdos, and potential stalkers.

Unfortunately, Josh wasn't joking when he said he was a virgin

After brief quarrel, Jeremy has to be talked out of hanging himself

Joshua painfully squeezes Tanyalee's finger when she tries to leave

Burning Questions: If these cuddly honeys are so wonderful, why couldn't they meet their future partners at work or through mutual friends, like normal people? How does one express his or her individuality by entering pre-categorized items into a vast computer database? Aren't love-seeking singles more inclined to "be themselves" in their day-to-day personal lives, rather than in a publicly accessible electronic medium notoriously conducive to hiding one's true identity?

A quality usually not associated with vetting dates online

40,000 guys immediately skip to next profile

Overall Loathsomeness: 5.9

Mitigating Factor: You haven't hit bottom until you join


  1. Damn right.

    Is there anything worse than dying alone?

    Yes. Doing this. This is worse.

    Much, much worse.

  2. If desperation were a brand, it would be eHarmony.


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