Thursday, October 1, 2009

Lysol "Germ Playground"

See the commercial here.

Synopsis: An artificially buoyant, career-sacrificing mother pumped full of enough Prozac to attain a pharmaceutical facsimile of happiness by servilely chauffeuring her pathogenic offspring around town battles resurgent self-loathing and fuzzy green supergerms with Lysol Healthy Touch Hand Sanitizer Foam.

I'm sure I'll use my astrophysics degree someday ...

"Hey -- you bounced the big boy ball, all by yourself!"

Message: Lysol can't do anything about your postpartum depression, but it can help enable your advanced germaphobia.

Another small step in a lifelong journey of irrational fear

Subliminal Message: Little bugs are crawling all over your body right now -- millions of them.

Because other people are disgusting

Memorable Moment: The playground kids play a pick-up game of germball.

This many germs can really mess up your jump shot

Disturbing Aspect: After climbing into the family minivan, young Damien tries to infect his sleeping baby brother with a handborne virus.

You have to admire Lysol for not exaggerating the threat

We'll see who gets all the attention now, Mr. Poopy Pants ...

Even the germs think this might be going too far

Burning Questions: If Healthy Touch gets rid of 99.9% of illness-causing germs, won't that just make the remaining 0.1% really, really mad? How high has Lysol's stock price risen since the fortuitous appearance of H1N1? Wouldn't it be easier to simply encapsulate ourselves in giant, hermetically sealed bubbles?

"Sorry for almost giving you a deadly disease a minute ago."

"That's okay. Here -- try this pacifier I found in the gutter."

Overall Loathsomeness: 7.2

Mitigating Factor: To ensure the highest quality, only farm-raised, free-range domestic germs were used this commercial.


  1. OMG. The first paragraph describes me EXACTLY. I AM SO FLATTERED!

  2. But is the car a Dodge Caravan? :p

  3. According to a recent survey, 7 out of 10 Lysol Healthy Touch users quietly cry themselves to sleep at night.

  4. Clearly, Howard Hughes was just a few years ahead of his time.

  5. We'll know the end is near when Lysol starts selling antiviral respiratory masks and latex gloves for bottling your urine.


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