Tuesday, November 3, 2009
See the commercial here.
Synopsis: A brave, budget-conscious, upper-lower-middle-class family of four borrowed from a nearby Wal-Mart shoot heroically escapes judgmental big-city health nuts and tax-happy liberal Democrats by driving its cash-burning 10 mpg Chrysler minivan into a scenic lakeside campsite, where it is blissfully free to enjoy the simple pleasures of mercury-saturated trout and cheap, life-shortening soda.
"No one will persecute us out here!"
"Put this insulin pump in a safe place, Johnny."
Message: Giant, multinational beverage corporations care about simple, stupid folk like you.
Spacious tent offers stunning view of Lake Pepsico
Also great for removing rust from your trailer or ATV
Subliminal Message: You won't need your teeth when you go to Jesus.
I hope two liters per person is enough ...
Father reflects over grave of eldest child who died of obesity
Memorable Moment: Not having sufficient funds left over from vital soda purchases to acquire appropriate gear, Dad and the kids go fishing without bait and tackle.
After unloading tenth cooler of sugary drinks, group heads off
"If there's no soda tax, maybe we can buy fishing line next year."
"Mom! Mom! Look what the director gave us!"
Disturbing Aspect: Despite its having zero nutritional value, the family considers soda to be part of a well-balanced meal.
Corn syrup brings people closer together
"Don't forget to save room for your freedom fries."
Burning Questions: When exactly did carbonated liquids become "food"? Why did Johnny change into a sweatshirt before lunch? Where do they sell that "Soda" brand soda?
"Why does Congress hate us and our way of life?"
Overall Loathsomeness: 9.6
Mitigating Factor: No one actually drinks any of the soda in this commercial.
Posted by The Editor at 2:00 PM