Monday, December 14, 2009

EFHE "Crisis"

See the commercial here.

Synopsis: A grim-faced, debt-ridden couple who rely on silently mouthed words and simple hand gestures to communicate their anguished thoughts and feelings stare at a pile of past due notices on the kitchen table and conclude that a congressional health care reform proposal intended to prohibit their insurer from unfairly denying them benefits, prevent them from being bankrupted by sudden, catastrophic illness, and make it easier for them to obtain reasonably-priced coverage, paid for by extracting concessions from giant, profiteering corporations and modestly raising the taxes of well-off people who make five times as much as they do and wouldn't get caught dead in their neighborhood, somehow threatens their humble existence and destroys their child's future.

In hindsight, maybe the marble fireplace wasn't a good idea

Money's so tight, she has to use an adding machine from 1973

Why didn't I vote for that team of mavericks?

Message: If there's one thing in America that's just fine exactly the way it is, it's our affordable, well-managed health care system.

"Bad news: the government's trying to give us health security."

Subliminal Message: Humana's CEO needs a new yacht.

Jack Black's world is crumbling around him

"If the public option passes, I'm going to blow my brains out."

Memorable Moment: After another day of performing area home renovations without a license, dodging I.R.S. agents, and getting drunk on Miller Genuine Draft, Jack hesitates outside his front door, contemplating whether he could make it to Mexico before his wife calls the cops.

What would Joe the Plumber do?

Unfortunately, Jack is not too big to fail

Disturbing Aspect: In desperation, Jack considers selling his son for extra cash.

I wonder what a 6-year-old kidney is worth on the open market ...

The first $500 billion will have to come out of his allowance

Burning Questions: How is torpedoing the nation's last, best chance at fixing health care going to help these dimwits pay their gas bill? If Jack loses his job, will he decline unemployment compensation as a matter of principle, since that is another expensive, taxpayer-supported government program? Does Jack's family send Christmas cards to BlueCross BlueShield?

"The worst part is, we'll be covered for pre-existing conditions."

"I just feel so awful for all those hard-working claims adjusters."

Overall Loathsomeness: 9.0

Mitigating Factor: Since opponents of health care reform started airing commercials, the popularity of gloomy xylophone music has skyrocketed.


  1. Yep, those far-right propaganda commercials are as high up on the loathsome rating as anything should get. Why the hell were these ads paid for by the U.S. Chamber of Commerce?

    Complaints about having affordable healthcare are pathologially insane.

  2. I would have to agree (although the soda tax commercials are pretty loathsome too).

  3. What does it take to get a solid "10" on the loathsomeness scale, if this one doesn't pull it off?

    "500 billion in new taxes. 1.2 trillion in increased debt. 75 gazillion illegal immigrants pouring over the border to take advantage, especially from Canada, because their health system REALLY sucks. Other scary numbers- why not, we're making them up, we might as well make them REALLY REALLY Scary!"

  4. Hmm, perhaps the "scientific loathsomeness formula" is NOT so scientific? :p

  5. Our advanced formulaic algorithm for determining commercial loathsomeness is far too complex to describe here. Admittedly, the system is not infalliable. Nevertheless, there can be no doubt that the Cheerios classic "Shut Up Steve" remains the standard against which all would-be "most loathsome" commercials must be judged. On this scale, EFHE's abomination falls just short.

  6. You've got the best site ever! Congratulations. I love it! What's your day job? You're extremely funny & witty.

    1. Thanks; glad you like it. If I can just get another 10,000 people to agree, this will be my day job.


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