Saturday, December 19, 2009

Excellus "Blue Christmas"

See the commercial here.

Synopsis: In a scene played out countless times across America throughout the cherished open enrollment season, office workers exhibiting more diversity than the U.N. General Assembly are overcome with euphoria upon receiving employer-sponsored health insurance plans with higher premiums, less coverage, and bigger co-pays than the year before.

What -- no female Pacific Islanders?

Grating voice on PA system reminds Jim of recently slain wife

Message: Being shafted by your monopolistic health insurer is better than free bagels.

First one there gets a pre-approved bone marrow transplant

Creepy mailroom guy uses hubbub to hide stolen desk candy

Subliminal Message: Excellus thinks you're an idiot.

Tip No. 1: Don't get sick

Memorable Moment: Insurance plans arrive in bright blue boxes from Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory.

"Oh boy -- it's almost as good as what they get in Bulgaria!"

In mix-up, Carl's box contains severed head of Harry Reid

Disturbing Aspect: Excellus delivers doll-sized replicas of the two doctors left on its provider list.

They can't treat Barbie without a referral

"Look at their adorable little swine flu masks!"

Burning Questions: Does "cash back for doing healthy stuff" include physical activities with proven cardiovascular benefits, like kicking the crap out of the producers of this commercial? Is utter lack of shame considered a pre-existing condition? Do insurance executives secretly gather in caves to chortle over sloshing snifters of human blood, or is that just an urban legend?

It's the money she could be saving with GEICO

Overall Loathsomeness: 9.1

Mitigating Factor: When an uncovered chronic illness causes you to become homeless, you can sleep in the box.

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