Saturday, December 5, 2009

NuvaRing "Swim Meet"

See the commercial here.

Synopsis: Three freely-available, empty-headed women, weary of the tedious logistical demands of being sexual turnstiles, gather in a candlelit living room to discuss the pros and cons of placing hormone-leaching foreign objects inside their bodies to prevent accidentally creating blessed little miracles who might interfere with their ability to bed shallow, commitment-phobic men.

With Wii on the fritz, conversation turns to birth control

Message: That two seconds a day you spend taking the pill can be put to better use wondering whether a small plastic hoop is still wedged below your uterus.

Phoebe shows how to put it in

Laura is frightened ... yet intrigued

Whitney Houston can't bear to watch

"Bobby used to make me do things like that."

Subliminal Message: You might want to double-check it after horseback riding.

Violating God's law has never been easier

Memorable Moment: NuvaRing pays actors to watch its commercials.

"Oh -- I saw this on Pointless Planet!"

At Club NuvaRing, things are looking HOT

It's surprisingly roomy in there

Disturbing Aspect: Date-stamped water ballerinas lie on their backs and rhythmically move their legs open and closed to the NuvaRing theme song.

Just in case anyone forgot what it's for

Thursday goes rogue

Burning Questions: Who's turn is it to host next week's NuvaRing party? Do discarded NuvaRings that end up in environmentally-sensitive wetlands pose any threat to long-necked aquatic birds? Have three superficially attractive women ever made sex seem like more of a drag?

Loss of irises occurs in less than 6% of all users

Overall Loathsomeness: 8.2

Mitigating Factor: Anything that keeps these dingbats from reproducing can't be bad.


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