Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Broadview Security “Party”

See the commercial here.

Synopsis: In the next fabulously frightening segment of Broadview Security’s super-sexist scareathon, a young, single house party hostess makes the near-fatal error of exchanging brief pleasantries with a hunky uninvited guest, “A.J.,” who then returns after the party’s over with dark designs of making her his unwilling love puppet, until being scared off by a wailing alarm that interferes with his ability to receive further instructions from the voices inside his head.
Image 01
Maybe she should have taped Broadview sign to her chest
Image 02A
It’s so nice to finally meet someone who respects my personal space.
Image 03B
She looks like she’d put out – but where’s the challenge in that?
Message: Even the most innocent human interactions inevitably lead to shocking violence and unfinished dirty dishes.
Image 06
Unfortunately, that’s her programmable thermostat
Image 09
In hindsight, his jokes about solitary confinement were a red flag
Image 10
Monica quickly reconsiders her objections to the morning-after pill
Subliminal Message: Men are evil.

Because God doesn’t give a rat’s ass whether you live or die
Image 16 
“Yes, I’ll pay the crisis response fee!”
Memorable Moment: Monica and her friends are giddily bemused about the fact that a complete stranger attended the small gathering without anyone figuring out where he came from or why he was there.
Image 04A
“Who was that mysterious loner who threw up on your lawn?”
Image 05
“My future husband, that’s who!”
Image 05A
“Unless he’s a serial killer or something – ha, ha!”
Disturbing Aspect: A.J.'s personality transforms from sociable to psychotic in the space of about four-and-a-half minutes.

Image 03A
Before: A.J. bashfully shares dream of raising shelter puppies on his farm

Image 11
After: A.J. takes what A.J. wants

Image 13A
Mice view peril to cruel exterminatrix through hole in baseboard 

Image 15
Under the circumstances, this is not an ideal defensive posture

Burning Questions: Since he’d already earned Monica’s trust, why didn’t A.J. simply wait for her to let him back in the house?  Couldn’t A.J. have noticed that the kitchen door was ajar before he went to the trouble of breaking the glass with his forearm?  Has affirmative action finally arrived at the Broadview call center?

Image 12B
“A.J. smash!”  Oh, wait – it’s already open.
Image 17
His skin was still light enough for Harry Reid
Overall Loathsomeness: 7.8

Mitigating Factor: After the ordeal was over, Monica sold her story to Lifetime Television for a movie starring Debra Messing, Valerie Bertinelli, and Anthony Michael Hall as the menacing but misunderstood “A.J.”


  1. You beat me to it- A.J., it seems to me, could have at least waited until the girl refused to let him in (to use the phone, for a glass of water, etc.) before smashing the window. Just like the creep in the earlier ad, politely waiting until the mom has a chance to go in the house, lock the door, and set the alarm before smashing his way in.

    Also, what's with the look of pure hate on A.J's face? Where we supposed to do some reading for this commercial? Do these people have a history, or what?

  2. Perhaps A.J. is meant to be metaphor for the hidden conflict and suppressed primal rage which torments all men's souls. If we could just strip away our flannel shirts and come to understand ourselves for who we truly are -- reconnect with our inner A.J. -- then, in time, we might learn to knock before breaking down a young woman's door.

  3. Thanks Broadview, as if it wasn't hard enough to meet women in Los Angeles, now I have to contend with them wondering if I'm "an A.J."

  4. If this commercial airs often enough, soon brassy chicks everywhere will be saying to their boundary-crossing boyfriends, "Hey -- don't go all A.J. on me!" When it happens, you'll hear it on "Tyra."

  5. Every guy is just an A.J. waiting to happen--that's just why us helpless females need Broadview! :p

  6. If a psychotic guy is breaking down your door with the look of pure hatred on his face, and the phone rings, would you stop to answer it?

  7. You would if you were a ditsy nincompoop who didn't realize that home security companies will send help automatically if no one picks up the phone.

    Apparently escaping via the front door she'd used just minutes before was not an option.

  8. So I am not the only one who thinks these are the dumbest commercials on the planet!!! Who has people to their house for dinner and no one knows them?! This has NEVER happened to me, and i lived the 70's...wilder times! I can't get over A.J. having to break in - he's a real under-achiever!!

  9. Whoa -- hold on there. "Dumbest commercials on the planet?" Perhaps you have not yet seen Febreze "Grandma." And certainly not Just For Men "Identity Crisis."

    I think you owe A.J. an apology.

  10. I have to agree with Anon about A.J.: after all, it was clear that the dippy chick in the commercial actually LIKED him--at least, that is, before he went a bit psycho--so couldn't he have just smiled (as opposed to sneered) and say that he had forgotten his cell phone? It was like he really WANTED to break that glass!

  11. my frd and I crack up at that crazy commercial everytime it comes on ... so while having a few cocktails last night we said to eachother we can't be the only ones who find this to be hysterical...and that's he we found you :) Here are some burning questions we have !!! Is AJ still on the loose ?? How do you advertise for a party that will bring a complete stranger over ?? Do men with red hair ever get any action?? and last but not least AJ if you are out there we LOVE you and we will leave the front door wide open for you if it means not having to clean the dirty dishes !!

  12. It's amazing how much more entertaining this commercial is after a few cocktails. Perhaps the same could be said about A.J. You've gotta give the guy credit -- he's sociable; he doesn't try to hide his emotions; he knows how to take the initiative; and he doesn't let obstacles that would stop other men stand in his way. He probably has at least a dozen fan sites by now.

  13. I think it is couragous of Broadview Security to bring to the forefront the sudden onset of white-on-white crime. After becoming an AJ supporter, I veiwed a few more of these racist commercials and just shook my head. Ok, does Broadview think white women who can afford to (1) Own a phat freakin house or (2) land a man who can provide us with a phat house, would be dumb enough to fall for such a thin plot line? I agree with all the folks who have commented. He had her trust. She had high hopes of AJ asking to "help her with the dishes"... and he rolled out. Seriously? When was the last time all your friends left your house at the same time? I was 15 and my parents came home early... everyone ran out. I think we need to place the blame here on Monica and her lame ass friends. No one during the course of what was a very "grown-up-candles-in-the-window" party, would no one ask, "So, who the f*ck are you anyway?" I went to college, I partied in some rough places and even woke up in a few places I might not have slept in retrospect... but I sure as hell had the wherewithall to eyeball some plaid wearing puppy farmer and say, "Hi, um... I'm Gina and this is my friend Gina." Again, where is Monica's "wingman"? I think Monica should think about the following: 1) Ask questions
    a) why is everyone leaving at once?
    b) why is this guy wearing a plaid flannel shirt on a warm night?
    c) why am I such a dumbass?
    d) why do my friends suck?
    e) am I a tease?

    Come on, all he had to do was linger behind... offering to help with the dishes. Oh, but broadview can't help there... he's already in the house. OK, come back and say, "I forgot my keys." She would have went for that... but, the dumbass would have unarmed the alarm. Hum, me thinks that Broadview's product only works if the criminal is a freakin' dope.

  14. Broadview's big marketing problem is that the people who can afford a home security system and are stupid enough to purchase one are the people least at risk of violent crime, so the company's ad wizards must concoct ever-more creative home invasion scenarios to trigger white, upper-middle-class women's irrational fears of being attacked by brutish strangers in their tasteful suburban kitchens.

  15. All the Gina's out there don't wast your money on this lame ass security system ... I drink in Atlantic City and have AJ's all around !!! I keep myself safe by wearing my Tee that says protected by Broadview security across my chest !!! So my AJ's never have to ask am I willing? able? or ready !!! my chest does all the talking for me !!! They know not to F*** with this Gina ... just buy me a Jager Bomb and Beat It :)


  17. A.J. doesn't like to waste time on social niceties like "dates" and "knocking."

  18. who is the hunky guy in the other commercial, the one with the Dennis Quaid smile?

  19. If you're referring to the nice guy saying goodnight to the woman who just got out of a bad relationship, we don't know, but he's the spitting image of NFL quarterback Matt Ryan.

  20. What the commercial really says to me is: here is a 'victem' who could easily be dead long before help can arrived in the best of cases and they made their first mistake when they spent their money on Broadview instead of a Glock and a couple magazines.

  21. One magazine probably would be enough to take care of poor A.J. -- unless, of course, he was exercising his own cherished constitutional right to bear arms, as well.

  22. I think the actors in this commercial...the
    girl and A.J. look like twins!

  23. Maybe that's why A.J., wracked by self-loathing and sexual confusion, flew into a sudden rage after confronting the unsettling implications of being attracted to a female version of himself.

    Or maybe he's just nuts.


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