See the commercial here.
Synopsis: Through their soft-scripted, egocentric stories of lavish personal training, misdirected ambition, and Disneyesque, non-threatening patriotism, unrelatable media-manufactured athlecelebrities desperately try to convince Americans to tune in to NBC’s relentless coverage of the 2010 Winter Olympics instead of selecting one of the million or so more relevant and engaging entertainment options available to them.
Try hitting a baseball, loser.
“I’m not sleeping with him! Omigod, can you imagine? Like, ew!”
“Mission Accomplished” banner still at the cleaners
Message: The Olympics is not a tedious, overhyped snoozefest.
This almost makes up for rolling over to the Germans in WWII
Come on, giant bowling ball …
Rule of thumb: if you’re wearing a dinner jacket, it’s not a sport.
Subliminal Message: It was either this or 835 hours of Leno.
Nothing embodies athleticism and grace like a human-shaped pile of rocks
This is what happens if you leave your medals on the railroad tracks
Memorable Moment: Lindsey Vonn seeks the gold for hotness.
Finally, a good use of our tax dollars
Another 40 reps, and she’ll fit into that Sports Illustrated bikini
Except for Ron Silver, this is so much like my dreams, it’s scary.
Disturbing Aspect: Carrot Top headlines the U.S. Team.
Can you believe this kid grew up to be an obnoxious snowboarder?
USOC geneticists have created the exact opposite of Johnny Unitas
Unless you’re Jim Craig or Rocky Balboa, this is not okay.
Burning Questions: Is it morally wrong to feel like you know Bob Costas more intimately than your own spouse? Was allowing the blandest nation on Earth to host the most tiresome sporting event in existence a wise decision? Will Evgeni Plushenko ever shut the hell up?
As it turns out, winter in Vancouver is surprisingly mild
No one had the heart to tell him he was at the wrong Olympics
Overall Loathsomeness: 5.3
Mitigating Factor: The death toll remains at 1.