Wednesday, April 7, 2010

NRSC “Comeback”

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See the commercial here.

Synopsis: With donor money left over after paying cover charges at bondage-themed L.A. nightclubs, the National Republican Senatorial Committee launches its 2010 campaign to restore traditional American values by electing insurrectionist candidates who’ve pledged to dismantle the U.S. government, protect profiteering corporations, abandon the environment, and give every citizen-patriot the freedom to be denied health insurance coverage for treatable illnesses.

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“Three cheers for excluded pre-existing conditions!”

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Washington was taxed so heavily by British, he had to lay off several slaves

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Melting Statue of Liberty is benign effect of natural climate fluctuations

Message: Since Obama’s presidency is a clear sign that the End Times are upon us, the best response to our nation’s many serious problems is to do nothing and wait for Jesus, which are the two remaining planks of  the Republican platform.

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7,000 Americans died on Iwo Jima to prevent gays from getting married

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Lincoln honored by G.O.P. Confederate flag displays and threats of secession

Subliminal Message: If the Bible allowed us to use his stem cells, we would’ve found a way to clone Reagan into an avenging army of genetically pure conservatives by now.

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Ex-Dem non-churchgoing Hollywood divorcee embodies right-wing beliefs

Memorable Moment: Jimmy Carter passes the torch of socialism to fellow undeserving Nobel Prize Laureate.

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Not pictured: President who actually approved AIG bailout in 2008

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Warning: ghostly specter of Harry Reid may frighten young children

Disturbing Aspect: The NRSC found a few minority actors so desperate for a paycheck that they were willing to pretend to be Republicans.

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At least they weren’t born in some foreign country like Kenya or Hawaii

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Migrant worker proudly supports party that wants to deport him

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They told him it was for a Benetton ad

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Republican Rainbow Coalition gathers at the Capitol

Burning Questions: If the Republicans return to power in the Senate, will they occasionally filibuster their own legislation, just to keep their edge?  Has Sarah Palin figured out which periodicals she reads yet?  What should I do with all my size XXL “Obama as Witch Doctor” t-shirts after the revolution?

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Start packing for Toronto, Baldwin.

Overall Loathsomeness: 8.6

Mitigating Factor: Rush Limbaugh’s OxyContin prescription, Glenn Beck’s shock treatments, and Dick Cheney’s stockpile of spare pig hearts all will be fully paid for under the Republicans’ secret alternative health care plan.

12 comments:

  1. "The party that always has..." WHAT exactly? Only cared about themselves? Professed to be close to God while shamelessly ignoring the same people (e.g., the poor) with whom Jesus spent all of his time? And now that same party, or at least individual members of that party, are sending threats of death and worse to those on the other side simply because some of believe that all people should have access to health care!

    Give me a break.

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  2. It's too bad that the GOP doesn't have the stones to be honest about how they see the world; granted, most tea-baggers wouldn't appreciate being told that government money corrupts people like them while ennobling arms contractors, insurance companies and oil tycoons but at least they'd know where they stood.

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  3. I don't think Sarah Palin could fit all that on the palm of her hand.

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  4. 8.6? yeesh, that's charitable. this is in the same revolting league as the tiger/nike commercial, only it's scary as all hell whereas the nike ad is just pathetically tone-deaf.

    teadoust

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  5. You can almost hear the marching boots.

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  6. teadoust, give The Editor a break; first, you haven't even bothered to become a follower of the blog yet, and second, THIS commercial is the one that truly deserves the highest rating:
    http://www.pointlessplanet.com/2009/11/aaft-pennies.html

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  7. Forgive our feisty fans ... but "Pennies" is a perennial favorite.

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  8. um, i have added it to my bookmarks. i'm not a "following" kinda guy though.

    teadoust

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  9. I laughed so hard I think I peed my pants. Then I laughed at that. You guys totally get my sense of humor - finally someone out there sees what I see. If you're ever up here in Duluth, MN drinks are on me and we'll find some more ads to roll our eyes at!!

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  10. You are not alone ... and we might take you up on your offer. Free drinks are never refused here at the Planet.

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  11. It's nice the lefties have their blogs to keep them busy while the GOP still ignores you and will control the rest of your life, hopefully towards extinction if they want my vote...

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    Replies
    1. Well, Tom, it's certainly true that the GOP is ignoring me, like it does most Americans, despite my being in its ever-shrinking core demographic of bitter, middle-aged white males. However, as for "controlling" anything, if you happen to follow the news at all in your cave or compound, I don't think you'll find it's been doing too much of that lately, even within its own fractured membership. But thanks for pulling for my extinction -- that's a pretty high bar for your vote, but it's guaranteed to happen eventually, with or without the help of the Republican Party.

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