See the commercial here.
Synopsis: Using a mechanical wind-up doll that looks like a miniature version of herself with better hair and makeup, a low-talking, self-pitying, 35-year-old woman somberly explains how a comfortable, middle-class life with her loving husband and two wonderful children depresses the hell out of her, until she lets the good folks at Wyeth chemically subdue her bothersome brain.
Don’t count on any sex or clean laundry from Eileen this week …
Nothing says “depression is a serious illness” like an animatronic toy
Mini-Eileen glumly wonders if she should have said yes to G.I. Joe
Message: It’s not all in your head. Well, it is, but we can fix it.
Do you think you’re better than me, you glossy little bitch?
Maybe another swim in the toilet will change your attitude …
Subliminal Message: Let Pristiq do the feeling for you.
Clinically shown to be more effective than clinging to guns or religion
May cause mild, coma-like symptoms. Do not crochet.
Deep inside Eileen’s golf bag, two super-intelligent tees exchange DNA
Memorable Moment: Thanks to Pristiq, Eileen’s family enjoys a rare moment of joyful togetherness that isn’t interrupted by her uncontrollable sobbing.
The last time they did this, Mom tried to hang herself on the swing set
Eyeing a future with the Mets, Suzie celebrates her routine groundout
Pristiq directs Eileen to smile at developmentally delayed daughter
Suzie suddenly seizes opportunity to take out Mom’s scary friend
Disturbing Aspect: Molded plastic doll subtly changes facial expressions and body posture to mirror random mood swings of emotionally-unbalanced human counterpart.
Before: Mini-Eileen looks for mini razor blade
After: only thing that can stop her now is edge of picnic table
The secret to happiness is psychotropic drugs and sensible shoes
Burning Questions: Why doesn’t this troubled woman just abuse alcohol or join the U.S. Army to deal with her crippling depression, like a normal person? Is it wise for someone who suffers from depression to use a medication with side effects that include thoughts of suicide? How many milligrams of Pristiq does it take to not care that you no longer know how to solve your problems without pills?
Mini-Eileen sometimes gets the feeling that she’s not the one in control
She tried to report the unwanted fondling, but no one believed her
Overall Loathsomeness: 7.2
Mitigating Factor: Taking Pristiq is a lot easier than having unpleasant emotions, or drowning your kids in the bathtub.