See the commercial here.
Synopsis: In a haunting preview of “Sex and the City 2,” four big-boned, grotesquely-aging female sexual predators descend like freakish human buzzards on a posh resort in Abu Dhabi (played by Morocco) to offend and horrify the Muslim world with their foul mouths, leathery skin, and absurd, mawkish attire while pursuing hapless men who, despite evidently being neither blind nor castrated, are inexplicably unable to resist them.
SATC glamour girl looks like she was carved out of Sycamore tree
Can you find all twenty-seven violations of the Koran in this picture?
Miranda and Carrie shop while locals discuss who should throw acid on them
Message: There’s nothing hotter than mascara-caked post-menopausal goblins talking dirty in the desert.
I’d sooner do the camel.
Um … no thanks.
Sorry, ladies – offscreen, you’re still stuck with a lazy, insensitive jerk …
… who nobody’s ever called “Mr. Big.”
Subliminal Message: If you possess an XY chromosome, get ready for the longest 2 hours and 27 minutes of your life.
Airbrush artist sued studio for carpal tunnel syndrome and emotional distress
Every guy dragged into theater shares same wistful dream:
Insipid female blather is suddenly interrupted by thermonuclear blast …
… turning hyper-irritating women into pile of burning, radioactive dust …
… bringing movie to merciful end in time for second half of Lakers game
Memorable Moment: Carrie and her calcified companions go for Lawrence of Arabia and end up with Ishtar.
Come on, Bedouin snipers – where are you?
Guides tried to trade them for pair of sandals, but there weren’t any takers
Disturbing Aspect: Slutty embalmed she-creatures ogle and drool over potential victims of their wizened, geriatric desires.
Visiting water polo team desperately signals for rescue chopper
Cynthia Nixon channels pirate hooker incarnation of Cloris Leachman …
… while ravages of time slowly morph Sarah Jessica Parker into Dan Cortese
Kim’s had more surgery than chick whose face was chewed off by chimp
Kristin wonders if that’s a cool breeze or icy hand of approaching death
Burning Questions: Can any woman living outside a ten-block radius of Midtown Manhattan really relate to these vapid, clown-dressed bimbos? Has any movie with the word “sex” in its title ever been less appealing to straight men? How many re-viewings of “Zombieland” does it take to eradicate all memory of this film?
Pray for Matthew Broderick
Overall Loathsomeness: 9.5
Mitigating Factor: There’s a slight but statistically significant chance that an asteroid will strike the Earth and extinguish all life on the planet before they finish “Sex and the City 3.”