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Sunday, May 23, 2010

Viagra “Reflection”

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See the commercial here.

Synopsis: A retired insurance adjuster who hasn’t attempted intercourse since spectacularly failing to deliver the goods during a disastrous second honeymoon in Boca Raton is goaded by his own hallucinatory reflection to ask his doctor about a magic blue pill that triggers sufficient arterial blood flow to his heretofore useless love rod to enable him to penetrate his faithful yet utterly unarousing wife of 31 years.

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Bill can’t believe word got out about his defective wang

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Last conversation ended with bloody knuckles and a lot of broken glass

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“Make it quick – I’ve got to do a Just For Men commercial in 20 minutes.”

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Bill feels own pain while startled bank employees watch through window

Message: There’s nothing embarrassing about admitting to an impersonal primary care physician and his entire staff of comely young nurses and administrative assistants that you’re not man enough to sexually perform without pharmaceutical intervention.

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Before: worthless husk of once-functional male enters medical building

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After: ready for action despite vague sense of impending heart attack

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Another happy day at One Viagra Plaza

Subliminal Message: Face it – you’re impotent – and it’s starting to affect your golf game.

Pfizer (<a href="http://stockmarket.businessweek.com/www/search.html?q=PFE">PFE</a>) estimates that Viagra is the most commonly counterfeited drug in the world, noting that in 2007, 6.4 million Viagra tablets were confiscated, which accounted for 74% of seized counterfeit Pfizer tablets that year.
Tiger Woods dosage is not recommended

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Bill feels a hundred times better after talking to Dr. Dramatization

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Unfortunately, he forgot to ask about pre-cancerous mole on his back

Memorable Moment: Bill’s psychologically damaging erectile dysfunction causes him to engage in a heated discussion with the imagined personification of his dormant libido.

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“How ’bout we switch places and let me take a crack at Mary Ellen?”

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“Shhh!  Someone might hear me going insane!”

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“Look – I was right when I told you to stab that homeless guy, wasn’t I?”

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“Now get with the program before I drag you back into the Mirror World.”

Disturbing Aspect: Bill’s long-deprived wife ignores his warm greeting and brazenly checks his package for some indication that the treatment is working.

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“Well … look who’s apparently interested in me as a woman again.”

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“So my mother was wrong about your latent homosexuality!”

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Now they can finally sit in the “Non-Flaccid” section

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There’s still no cure for having to hear about her day

Burning Questions: Does a Viagra prescription come with a free pair of relaxed-fit Dockers?  Are sunsets more beautiful when seen through a gauzy blue haze?  If an erection lasting more than four hours requires immediate medical attention, does that mean one lasting for three-and-a-half hours is OK?

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He likes to watch

Overall Loathsomeness: 8.4

Mitigating Factor: You can accomplish quite a bit in three-and-a-half hours.

13 comments:

  1. If an erection lasting more than four hours requires immediate medical attention, would it be for me or for her?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love that "amazed" look on the wife's face- it's like she can just TELL that her husband has been "fixed" and is now ready to be the stud muffin she once knew and loved. I can imagine her crying out "well look at YOU!" I mean, seriously, what is it about this guy that would telegraph to anyone "Now Armed With Drugs Which Will Permit me to have a Semi-Satisfying Sexual Encounter?"

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  3. how innocuous must a comment be to insure that it not be deleted? i'd just like to know.

    teadoust.

    ReplyDelete
  4. At least his gait is stiff, if nothing else.

    Teadoust: your comments are always welcome here on The Planet; just, um, try to keep it as clean as you can. Tipper Gore might accidentally stumble upon this post while searching for something to help Al.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Dr Dramatization neglects to caution Bill that taking only half the blue pill results sadly, in half an erection...

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  6. Bill's reflection took the other half.

    ReplyDelete
  7. TWO comments, actually:

    1) I don't think I've seen a comment deleted from this blog yet, so that makes me wonder exactly what depravity teadoust has in mind, and

    2) I thought this WAS a Just for Men commercial! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  8. I hope you'll indulge my turning into Samantha Bee for a second and tell you about the Canadian ads for the boner pill. They all follow the same pattern; we have the imbecile protagonist talking about some mundane activity like antiquing or walking as if it were some act of wanton depravity that was cured by use of the wonder drug Viagra. As always, our two countries reach the same moronic destination by different paths.

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  9. At least they ditched the "Viva Viagra" theme song -- or is that still playing in Mexico?

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  10. This commercial is wonderful because it finally teaches our youth that not only is erratic, arguably insane behavior such as talking to your reflection will get you the ladies, but so is putting 100% of your trust into anyone wearing a lab coat and willing to tell us what we want to hear!

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  11. The screen shots you captured here are hilarious. One of my favorites.

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