See the commercial here.
Synopsis: Allstate Insurance Company’s roving specter of doom, Dennis Haysbert, offers a rare uplifting message about how the nation’s worst economic crisis since the Great Depression is actually a blessing in disguise, reassuring the company’s anxious, cash-strapped policyholders that, no matter how bad things get, Allstate will continue to accept outrageous premiums for insuring the ever-diminishing value of their cars, homes, and lives.
Dennis walks across Lake Michigan to survey recession-ravaged Chicago
Construction worker wonders if immigrant next to him will try to take his job
Dan may be saving gas money, but everyone at the office thinks he’s a wuss
Message: As long as your check clears and you don’t live in an area subject to earthquakes, hurricanes, flooding, mold, or any other type of loss that has a decent chance of actually occurring, you’re in good hands with Allstate.
Carlos fondly recalls getting real haircuts in Guatemala
Hopefully the beatings at school will end before the recession does
Gina’s lips are uninsurable … which is totally hot
Now she has a dress fine enough to be buried in
Subliminal Message: Enjoy your mandatory “tropical cyclone” deductible … and don’t even try calling us about BP.
Maybe owner would have better luck if he didn’t list fake phone number
Yeah, this business is definitely gonna make it
Memorable Moment: An unemployed father spends two hours of potential job-hunting time and $19.36 in supplies refurbishing a perfectly good chair in an unsuccessful attempt to prove to his detached eight-year-old son that he’s not completely useless.
First, start with priceless heirloom left to wife by her beloved grandmother …
… then callously rip away padding hand-sewn by French artisans in 1881 …
… then apply cheap finish picked up at Lowe’s instead of job application …
… and – voila! – an ugly piece of crap
Disturbing Aspect: An upper-middle-class family is forced to depend on freakishly-perfect, home-bioengineered tomatoes to avoid starvation.
Like predatory mortgage lender, it thrives on human tears
When redness becomes visible from space, you know it’s time to harvest
If you breathe in deeply, you can really smell the Roundup
This should tide them over until soybean crop is ready
Dad and Joey quickly changed their shirts before Mom made it to her car
Burning Questions: How many Allstate executives grow their own vegetables and ride their bikes to work? If the recession is making America great, shouldn’t we continue to systematically wreck our economy until we become even greater? Does Dennis Haysbert frighten his own children?
Unfortunately, he failed to insure his acting career
Overall Loathsomeness: 5.2
Mitigating Factor: God is cooking up a few new natural disasters that Allstate hasn’t thought to exclude yet.