Wednesday, November 24, 2010

State Farm “Hot Tub”

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See the commercial here.

Synopsis: Three skeevy, unemployable losers dabble in witchcraft by conjuring up a cheerfully nonjudgmental State Farm agent to investigate property damage to their rental unit which, remarkably, was not caused by their own brainlessness.

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Ficus tree and Michael Graves bong light project understated elegance

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Sound of breaking glass suddenly interrupts “Ninja Warrior” marathon

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Strange artifact of ancient non-video game puzzles hooded shut-in

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Before he switched to State Farm, Dave might have had to get off his ass

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I see dead claims adjusters.

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If you want a good laugh, summon her while swimming in the ocean.

Message: Life’s occasional misfortunes are easy to deal with when you have an insurance company that enables you to violate the laws of physics in order to avoid picking up the phone.

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And yet, somehow, the ability to shower and shave continues to elude him

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In no other country could someone like this exist

Subliminal Message: Like a soulless apparition consigned to forever wander the Earth, State Farm is there.

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“Did you see that centipede come out of her ear?”

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“No offense, but this is getting a little freaky.”

Memorable Moment: Upon realizing that they possess the unlimited, God-like power to make any desired object materialize before their eyes, the unambitious trio asks for a snack, a nerdy neighbor girl, and a hot tub, in that order.

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Mmm … that all-bread sandwich looks mighty tasty …

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Fortunately, she wasn’t on the toilet

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Um … has anyone seen the cat?

Disturbing Aspect: The State Farm agent is mildly amused by her client’s opportunistic abduction of a startled young woman.

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You’re not in 4E anymore, honey …

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“She’s pur-dee …”

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Things went south pretty quickly after that …

Burning Questions: Wouldn’t a broken window be covered under the landlord’s policy?  In response to seeing a sandwich, has any human being previously exclaimed to another, “Oh, man – you wanna go halfsies?”  Did the idea of requesting, say, a hundred bars of gold ever occur to these slack-jawed imbeciles?

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“OK, now I want, um … another acid-washed t-shirt.”

Overall Loathsomeness: 7.7

Mitigating Factor: The indoor hood / “hip-hop ferryman” look never really caught on.

12 comments:

  1. Will State Farm cover the hot tub's destruction of their Big Lot's dining ensemble?

    By the way, welcome back!

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  2. Yeah, we wondered that ourselves. Not to mention the steam damage to the nearby wooden bookshelves. Also, did the hot tub come with its own magic plumbing and power source, or will they have to hose drain it out the broken window when the bacteria-infused water drops to room temperature?

    We feel like we never left.

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  3. Welcome back, and thanks for doing this ad! State Farm ads are just asking for it.

    Other questions that spring to mind: does State Farm cover the replacement of furniture destroyed by their own limited liability genie? Particularly when the value of the destroyed furniture probably dwarfs the broken window that she was summoned for, in the first place?
    Also, if the girl from 4E was indeed teleported from her apartment (as opposed to being cloned?), does that mean that some poor sap is going to go outside tonight to find that someone's stolen his GulfSpa StressBlaster 3000?

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  4. @Pahz: I'm an idiot. I could've sworn I read the comments first :\

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  5. And how do you get RID of the spectral State Farm agent, after she's done writing up your claim? Is there some kind of a reverse jingle that sends her back into the Phantom Zone, or does someone have to call a cab?

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  6. Editor: Maybe it's the jingle backwards (phonetically)?
    "Reth si mraf tates robayn doog a kyl!" or something? It does sound suitably Lovecraftian :)

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  7. http://thiscommercialsucks.blogspot.com/2010/11/id-switch-but-i-hate-that-stupid-lizard.html

    I did this one a few weeks ago-- and another State Farm commercial, just yesterday.

    Good to see you back!

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  8. State Farm has a serious issue with black people- check out my post on the latest "Oh No You Di'nt!" monstrosity from this lovely company. Apparently all black guys wear hoods indoors and all black women are sassy motermouths.

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  9. Good job over at This Commercial Sucks, as always. We too fell under the irresistible spell of State Farm's siren song. Just in time for the holidays, this ad campaign truly is the gift that keeps on giving.

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  10. Well, it's about F'in time. Coming back in grand form too. :D Is there some sort of jingle to get you to post more frequently?

    "Like a good poster, PP is there!"

    No? Oh well, I tried. :'(

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  11. Thanks, Dunk; and apologies for the hiatus. With the slew of horrific holiday commercials now oozing across our TV screens, no special incantations for posts should be necessary. But if you figure out how to do it, please teleport over a bottle of Jagermeister.

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