Sunday, November 28, 2010

State Farm “Magic Pimp”

Link 01 Link 02 Logo 07
See the commercials here and here.

Synopsis: In Parts 2 and 3 of State Farm’s hilarious foray into interdimensional human trafficking, hip twenty-somethings turn minor auto mishaps into major scoring opportunities by using their insurer-bestowed powers of on-demand teleportation to order new sexual partners like take-out boxes of pork lo mein.

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From left to right: 60’s chick, 90’s chick, syphilis

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After sideswiping car, perpetrator clubbed it with mallet for good measure

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Shouldn’t have had that last Four Loko at breakfast

Message: Car wrecks and relationships have a lot in common.

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Even her still shot is annoying

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Maybe there’s still time to knock her out and put her behind the wheel …

Subliminal Message: State Farm helps you find love and notice of claim forms in all the wrong places.

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If you don’t do it just right, all you get is the head and the clipboard

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Meanwhile, the car Rich was driving across town slams into a bus, killing 19

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“Please, Lord, strike this terrible woman down with a giant bolt of – ”

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“Oh, my insurance agent … that’s cool, too …”

Memorable Moment: Illustrating the pitfalls of design by committee, the three women in the parking lot collectively craft a mate who seems most like the kind of guy who was responsible for the hit-and-run that caused them to require help in the first place.

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Version 1.0 – ready to party like it’s 1985

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Version 2.0 – even the rabbit is a little embarrassed

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Eureka – a man who isn’t afraid to steal from your purse or hit on your sister

Disturbing Aspect: State Farm’s market research on the romantic desires of “urban” policyholders evidently consisted of watching a 50 Cent video.

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State Farm knows what women want: rock-hard abs!

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67% more cleavage than GEICO fantasy girlfriend – and no deductible

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Her running critique of his parking skills suddenly seems much more tolerable

Burning Questions: When did hot women start calling each other “dude?”  Wouldn’t it be easier to just conjure up a new car?  Were these commercials produced by Cinemax?

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Less coverage never looked so fine

Overall Loathsomeness: 7.8

Mitigating Factor: After being rejected, the sensitive guy with the rabbit was teleported back to his Prius, which he found under the rear end of an SUV.


  1. "If you don’t do it just right, all you get is the head and the clipboard"

    There's another horror movie idea that Hollywood will latch on to and create.

  2. Ryan Phillippe has already been signed to play the role of "Dark Side."

  3. It's a good thing that they haven't shown the version that they're going to use to woo the Latino market yet; I don't think I could stand seeing Frito-Bandito-level 'cultural sensitivity.'

  4. "Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there -- with a Green Card!"

  5. What, no screenshot of the face of the girl on the right? They cut to her for a second and it looks like she just woke up from a narcoleptic fit and immediately huffed a bag of nitrous.

    I, too felt sorry for the sensitive guy with the rabbit. Probably because he's the one who looks most like me :P

  6. Hahah, Loving the Post. Gave me a good laugh, You should visit my blog. Similar to yours :)


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