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Sunday, November 28, 2010

State Farm “Magic Pimp”

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See the commercials here and here.

Synopsis: In Parts 2 and 3 of State Farm’s hilarious foray into interdimensional human trafficking, hip twenty-somethings turn minor auto mishaps into major scoring opportunities by using their insurer-bestowed powers of on-demand teleportation to order new sexual partners like take-out boxes of pork lo mein.

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From left to right: 60’s chick, 90’s chick, syphilis

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After sideswiping car, perpetrator clubbed it with mallet for good measure

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Shouldn’t have had that last Four Loko at breakfast

Message: Car wrecks and relationships have a lot in common.

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Even her still shot is annoying

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Maybe there’s still time to knock her out and put her behind the wheel …

Subliminal Message: State Farm helps you find love and notice of claim forms in all the wrong places.

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If you don’t do it just right, all you get is the head and the clipboard

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Meanwhile, the car Rich was driving across town slams into a bus, killing 19

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“Please, Lord, strike this terrible woman down with a giant bolt of – ”

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“Oh, my insurance agent … that’s cool, too …”

Memorable Moment: Illustrating the pitfalls of design by committee, the three women in the parking lot collectively craft a mate who seems most like the kind of guy who was responsible for the hit-and-run that caused them to require help in the first place.

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Version 1.0 – ready to party like it’s 1985

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Version 2.0 – even the rabbit is a little embarrassed

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Eureka – a man who isn’t afraid to steal from your purse or hit on your sister

Disturbing Aspect: State Farm’s market research on the romantic desires of “urban” policyholders evidently consisted of watching a 50 Cent video.

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State Farm knows what women want: rock-hard abs!

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67% more cleavage than GEICO fantasy girlfriend – and no deductible

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Her running critique of his parking skills suddenly seems much more tolerable

Burning Questions: When did hot women start calling each other “dude?”  Wouldn’t it be easier to just conjure up a new car?  Were these commercials produced by Cinemax?

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Less coverage never looked so fine

Overall Loathsomeness: 7.8

Mitigating Factor: After being rejected, the sensitive guy with the rabbit was teleported back to his Prius, which he found under the rear end of an SUV.

6 comments:

  1. "If you don’t do it just right, all you get is the head and the clipboard"

    There's another horror movie idea that Hollywood will latch on to and create.

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  2. Ryan Phillippe has already been signed to play the role of "Dark Side."

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  3. It's a good thing that they haven't shown the version that they're going to use to woo the Latino market yet; I don't think I could stand seeing Frito-Bandito-level 'cultural sensitivity.'

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  4. "Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there -- with a Green Card!"

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  5. What, no screenshot of the face of the girl on the right? They cut to her for a second and it looks like she just woke up from a narcoleptic fit and immediately huffed a bag of nitrous.

    I, too felt sorry for the sensitive guy with the rabbit. Probably because he's the one who looks most like me :P

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  6. Hahah, Loving the Post. Gave me a good laugh, You should visit my blog. Similar to yours :)
    http://theweirdandwonderfullist.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete

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