See the commercial here.
Synopsis: A half-term ex-governor / mamma grizzly bear / spunky angel of the Apocalypse takes America on an eight-week adventure in the beloved sub-Arctic wasteland she calls home to help a struggling basic cable network attract the coveted viewing demographic of 34-to-49-year-old white female born-again snow machine enthusiasts in exchange for a moose head full of money.
Just another thousand feet to Noah’s Ark
Melted glacier more fun than frozen kind – take THAT, Al Gore!
Experience the peaceful, serene beauty of unspoiled wilderness
Message: Nothing brings families closer together like tramping through the Alaskan tundra in search of hidden natural wonders God desires us to destroy.
Not pictured: Russia
Palins check the grilled eagle as special guest Don Rickles watches hungrily
Soon little Piper will be old enough to fight socialism, too
Subliminal Message: Mommy needs a new trophy rack.
You haven’t really shot caribou until you’ve shot one from a seaplane
When they arrive at camp, they’ll eat slowest dog as warning to others
Later, at dusk, retaliatory strike launched against Lisa Murkowski
Memorable Moment: Sarah intervenes to prevent another daughter from being blessed with an unplanned little miracle.
Thwarted boyfriend left with blue balls
Dejected, Willow goes back to posting homophobic slurs on Facebook
Disturbing Aspect: Sarah asks, “How come we can’t ever just be satisfied with tranquility?” while observing two angry bears spooked by the TLC production truck battle to the death.
You’ll never hear about this in the lamestream media
The loser gets to be the Palins’ new toilet seat cover
Neiman Marcus camouflage-print pants make Sarah invisible to predators
Burning Questions: How many people from states that matter actually “dream about” freezing their asses off on some barren, ice-encrusted slab of rock in the middle of nowhere? Does putting family first include inviting a camera crew to follow your spouse and children everywhere they go? Can you name all twenty-two decapitated members of the animal kingdom mounted on the Palins’ walls?
Brought to you by ExxonMobil
Overall Loathsomeness: 9.2
Mitigating Factor: “Joe Biden’s Delaware” never got beyond the planning stage.