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Monday, June 20, 2011

API “Energy Tomorrow”

Link 01A Link 02A  Logo 05A

Synopsis: On behalf of the decent, caring folks at the American Petroleum Institute, bit-part soap opera actress / blonde-haired angel of death Brooke Alexander makes the case for sustained, pre-apocalyptic environmental devastation so that the nation’s struggling oil and natural gas companies can continue to provide enough energy to keep mission-critical SUVs, hot tubs, and laser light shows operating for at least another year, until all that bad 2012 shit starts going down.

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Haunting specter of Brooke Alexander walks across future barren wasteland of continental United States

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From straight-on, she looks like a human oil slick

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“Who can say which of these energy-producing technologies has killed more metric tons of fish?”

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Canadians strenuously objected to erection of humungous sign across six provinces, but no one listened

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Newly-redesigned oil wells shaped like letters of alphabet also help solve our education problem

Image 07 And 260 million dead birds

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Global warming has made Earth too hot to touch

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Uh … maybe they should’ve used a different illustration

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Are you there God?  It’s me, ExxonMobil.

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All 41 everyday Americans who love big oil companies pose for group photo in broken petri dish

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Lifelike recreations of once-unspoiled countryside can now be purchased directly from API’s website

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“For evil, I’m Brooke Alexander.”

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To maintain geologic stability, after oil is pumped out, spokespeople are pumped in

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Brooke looks at ease in giant urine specimen container that will be her tomb

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The Nazis created a lot of jobs, too

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This commercial has 20% new BS

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“So we’re destroying farmland at a time of soaring food prices – suck it.”

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Occasionally, well strikes underground vein of amphetamines

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Last stop: Gates of Hell

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Brooke subtly flashes secret two-finger demonic cult sign as signal to fellow agents of Satan

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Clockwise from upper left: wealthy homeowner accuses maid of stealing misplaced ten dollar letter-opener; corporate executive apologizes to female associate for commenting on size of her chest during project meeting; elderly woman ignored by children wonders if she has any reason to go on living; exasperated mother contemplates quieting baby with shot of Jim Beam – all thanks to steady supply of domestically-produced oil and natural gas

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Ad by cyborgs of America’s oil and natural gas industry didn’t test as well

Loathsomeness: 9.6

13 comments:

  1. I initially thought that first photo was a dead fish on ice. Given the subject matter of the commercial, it's not an inappropriate image.

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  2. Given the latest studies, this ad is especially ill-timed; not even the Tea Baggers can will the latest inconvenient truth away.

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  3. "Studies" are as un-American as Al Gore. API to Brooke: "Shill, baby, shill."

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  4. Favorite line :"All 41 everyday Americans who love big oil companies pose for group photo in broken petri dish"

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  5. The undecideds were sliced in half.

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  6. Thanks for doing this!! Getting bombarded by the likes of this pansuited toadie - twice per commercial break, no less - just makes for double the rabid froth.

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    1. The woman is relentless. Sometimes I see her in my sleep, striding like a blonde giant across the landscape, shilling for Big Oil. Believe it or not, according to Google, this is our most visited post of all time. I can only theorize that the unusually high volume of traffic is due to repeated visits by obsessed Brooke Alexander fans, or, more frightenly, by Brooke Alexander herself.

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  7. already thought she was prostituting herself, but just watched gas land---she is helping destroy out planet, our health, our environment. No acting job is worth being this kind of a shill

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    Replies
    1. It got her a guest appearance on Hawaii Five-O.

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  8. I have tried, without success, to ask SOMEONE to PLEASE pLEASE!!! get this cocker spaniel hair woman to GET A MAKEOVER and AT LeAST have her COCKER SPANIEL HAIRDO LOOK CLEAN!!!@ This SITE just may be able to MAKE A DIFFERENCE. YES!!! She should be #1 on the site for LOATHESOME CHARACTER. MUTE MUTE MUTE the AD
    HELP!

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    Replies
    1. It may interest you to know that the TLC show "What Not to Wear" starts its final season in a few weeks; perhaps they are still accepting applications for makeover victims?

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    2. I've seen better-looking Cocker Spaniels, although I believe Brooke was voted "Best in Show" at the last API convention.

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  9. And apparently the funders still foolhardily think the formula for this shill ad works - jumped the shark and it's still on?...

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