Monday, June 20, 2011

API “Energy Tomorrow”

Link 01A Link 02A  Logo 05A

Synopsis: On behalf of the decent, caring folks at the American Petroleum Institute, bit-part soap opera actress / blonde-haired angel of death Brooke Alexander makes the case for sustained, pre-apocalyptic environmental devastation so that the nation’s struggling oil and natural gas companies can continue to provide enough energy to keep mission-critical SUVs, hot tubs, and laser light shows operating for at least another year, until all that bad 2012 shit starts going down.

Image 01 
Haunting specter of Brooke Alexander walks across future barren wasteland of continental United States

Image 02 
From straight-on, she looks like a human oil slick

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“Who can say which of these energy-producing technologies has killed more metric tons of fish?”

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Canadians strenuously objected to erection of humungous sign across six provinces, but no one listened

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Newly-redesigned oil wells shaped like letters of alphabet also help solve our education problem

Image 07 And 260 million dead birds

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Global warming has made Earth too hot to touch

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Uh … maybe they should’ve used a different illustration

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Are you there God?  It’s me, ExxonMobil.

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All 41 everyday Americans who love big oil companies pose for group photo in broken petri dish

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Lifelike recreations of once-unspoiled countryside can now be purchased directly from API’s website

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“For evil, I’m Brooke Alexander.”

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To maintain geologic stability, after oil is pumped out, spokespeople are pumped in

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Brooke looks at ease in giant urine specimen container that will be her tomb

Image 18 
The Nazis created a lot of jobs, too

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This commercial has 20% new BS

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“So we’re destroying farmland at a time of soaring food prices – suck it.”

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Occasionally, well strikes underground vein of amphetamines

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Last stop: Gates of Hell

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Brooke subtly flashes secret two-finger demonic cult sign as signal to fellow agents of Satan

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Clockwise from upper left: wealthy homeowner accuses maid of stealing misplaced ten dollar letter-opener; corporate executive apologizes to female associate for commenting on size of her chest during project meeting; elderly woman ignored by children wonders if she has any reason to go on living; exasperated mother contemplates quieting baby with shot of Jim Beam – all thanks to steady supply of domestically-produced oil and natural gas

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Ad by cyborgs of America’s oil and natural gas industry didn’t test as well

Loathsomeness: 9.6


  1. I initially thought that first photo was a dead fish on ice. Given the subject matter of the commercial, it's not an inappropriate image.

  2. Given the latest studies, this ad is especially ill-timed; not even the Tea Baggers can will the latest inconvenient truth away.

  3. "Studies" are as un-American as Al Gore. API to Brooke: "Shill, baby, shill."

  4. Favorite line :"All 41 everyday Americans who love big oil companies pose for group photo in broken petri dish"

  5. The undecideds were sliced in half.

  6. Thanks for doing this!! Getting bombarded by the likes of this pansuited toadie - twice per commercial break, no less - just makes for double the rabid froth.

    1. The woman is relentless. Sometimes I see her in my sleep, striding like a blonde giant across the landscape, shilling for Big Oil. Believe it or not, according to Google, this is our most visited post of all time. I can only theorize that the unusually high volume of traffic is due to repeated visits by obsessed Brooke Alexander fans, or, more frightenly, by Brooke Alexander herself.

  7. already thought she was prostituting herself, but just watched gas land---she is helping destroy out planet, our health, our environment. No acting job is worth being this kind of a shill

    1. It got her a guest appearance on Hawaii Five-O.

  8. I have tried, without success, to ask SOMEONE to PLEASE pLEASE!!! get this cocker spaniel hair woman to GET A MAKEOVER and AT LeAST have her COCKER SPANIEL HAIRDO LOOK CLEAN!!!@ This SITE just may be able to MAKE A DIFFERENCE. YES!!! She should be #1 on the site for LOATHESOME CHARACTER. MUTE MUTE MUTE the AD

    1. It may interest you to know that the TLC show "What Not to Wear" starts its final season in a few weeks; perhaps they are still accepting applications for makeover victims?

    2. I've seen better-looking Cocker Spaniels, although I believe Brooke was voted "Best in Show" at the last API convention.

  9. And apparently the funders still foolhardily think the formula for this shill ad works - jumped the shark and it's still on?...


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