Synopsis: Concerned Christians at the esteemed National Organization for Marriage make an urgent but ultimately doomed appeal to African-Americans who lack any sense of historical irony to fight legalization of same-sex marriage in New York in order to prevent innocent, impressionable children from being brainwashed into believing the dangerous notion that gay people who love their partners and want to publicly affirm and legitimize their relationships aren’t morally-inferior second-class citizens deserving of government-sanctioned discrimination.
Beats “no sex marriage”
Just a few decades ago, Religious Right would’ve fought to keep these two girls from riding the same bus
In states that allow same-sex marriage, kids get beat up for not being gay
Mrs. Andrews shows her students how simple arithmetic proves that Ellen DeGeneres is going to hell
Without confusing distraction of legalized same-sex marriage, New York schoolchildren of any race or gender can continue to focus on dramatically underperforming their future bosses in China
If same-sex marriage bill passes, Lisa could be forced to grow up in some kind of freaky gay monarchy
Sources close to Lesbian Teacher say she also goes by the name “Carol”
Afterward, first graders crashed reception, ran up $500 tab at cash bar
Parents’ worst fears realized when six-year-old son came home from field trip and declared that when he grows up, he wants to be a lesbian
If anyone knows how to protect children from inappropriate adult behavior, it’s the Catholic Church
The Bible could not be more clear – marriage is a sacred bond between one man and one woman. Also, if a threatening, lustful mob shows up at your door seeking to cart off visiting angels you’ve invited for dinner, as a matter of good hospitality, it is perfectly acceptable to offer up your young virgin daughters as a sexual alternative.
Gay newlyweds would have purchased more tasteful frames
Proud heterosexuals Kelly Jones, a twice-divorced alcoholic, and Brad Wertz, an abusive ex-con with a pregnant girlfriend in Seattle, smile on their church-approved wedding day
“Once we realized how strongly we felt about each other, we couldn’t wait to get opposite-sex married under a discriminatory state statute that bars other loving couples from obtaining the same rights we have!”
Oops – too late. Let the fall of civilization begin.