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Saturday, June 11, 2011

Time Warner Cable “Waffles”

Link 01A Logo 04A

Synopsis: A well-shampooed little girl from the kind of idyllic Rockwellian town that only still exists in the stagnant minds of hard-drinking New York City ad executives fails miserably in her quest to find her unfortunately-named dog until a monolithic cable company looking for a new revenue stream comes to the rescue with a service that the demise of home telephones has already rendered largely obsolete.

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Weeks later, parents remembered GPS tracking chip in Waffles’ collar

Image 04 Waffles would be mortified to see that they used his yearbook photo

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The reward is, if you return him, he’ll stop peeing on your rug

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Placement of eye-searing signs every three feet is sure to enlist support of local residents

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Next voicemail will be about Jessica, but news won’t be as good

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Luckily, no one else was using this old set from “Gunsmoke”

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Herr Diekmann refuses to discuss what he did during the war

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She said “Waffles,” not “Waffen”

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Waffles’ favorite toy is chewable replica of Sri Lankan mailman he mauled to death last year

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“I guess it wasn’t good that I wished him into the cornfield … ”

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While Mom comforts Jess, Dad checks to see if South Florida woman he met on Facebook got photo of his wang

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Disturbingly, all 27 voicemail messages are recordings of animal sounds

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“Hey … this ‘Audrey Ryan’ sounds a lot like Waffles … ”

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In Fakeamericaville, everyone drives cars from the 50’s and lives on farms

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Creepy geriatric shut-in cut off one of Waffles’ ears to send with ransom note before he escaped

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Waffles has decided he wants to start seeing other people

Loathsomeness: 6.5

10 comments:

  1. Favorite line= "Waffles would be mortified to see that they used his yearbook photo"

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  2. Good to see you back; too bad that the ads have gotten worse over the last six months.

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  3. Thanks, Dread. Every time I try to get out, they pull me back in.

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  4. Saw your site for the first time today - It's great.

    As for "Waffles" - I don't like dogs but I'd take him in just to get him away from that strange family and strange time-warp town - speaking of which...

    I think that those ad execs might be from California, not New York. Through a little effort I was able to make out the name on the street sign by the general store, and it says "Dillon Beach" which is a coastal CA resort town, and the general store is actually real (well, as real as a general store can be in a beach resort town). Whether the rest of the commercial was filmed there, I can't tell.

    Meanwhile, as for TWC, much worse than "Waffles" is the continued use of alleged actor Mike O'Malley in a string of commercials where he plays Everymoron. I recognise his evil voice so quickly that I'm able to mute the TV within a nanosecond or two. These commercials easily go to 11 on the loathsomeness scale...

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  5. Good eye, DDB9K -- and thanks for your support. We've taken notice of Mr. O'Malley's crimes against humanity, as those TWC commercials play relentlessly in our TV market.

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  6. "Luckily, no one else was using this old set from Gunsmoke"--lol!

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    Replies
    1. You just made me laugh again at my own joke.

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  7. Hyderabad Cable Communication, Hyderabad. 229 likes · 4 talking about this. The Hyderabad Cable Communication is The Electronic Media TV cable Service. contact the team

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    1. Next time I'm in Hyderabad, I'll be sure to look you up.

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