Saturday, June 11, 2011

Time Warner Cable “Waffles”

Link 01A Logo 04A

Synopsis: A well-shampooed little girl from the kind of idyllic Rockwellian town that only still exists in the stagnant minds of hard-drinking New York City ad executives fails miserably in her quest to find her unfortunately-named dog until a monolithic cable company looking for a new revenue stream comes to the rescue with a service that the demise of home telephones has already rendered largely obsolete.

Image 02 
Weeks later, parents remembered GPS tracking chip in Waffles’ collar

Image 04 Waffles would be mortified to see that they used his yearbook photo

Image 04
The reward is, if you return him, he’ll stop peeing on your rug

Image 05 
Placement of eye-searing signs every three feet is sure to enlist support of local residents

Image 07
Next voicemail will be about Jessica, but news won’t be as good

Image 08
Luckily, no one else was using this old set from “Gunsmoke”

Image 09
Herr Diekmann refuses to discuss what he did during the war

Image 10
She said “Waffles,” not “Waffen”

Image 11
Waffles’ favorite toy is chewable replica of Sri Lankan mailman he mauled to death last year

Image 12
“I guess it wasn’t good that I wished him into the cornfield … ”

Image 15
While Mom comforts Jess, Dad checks to see if South Florida woman he met on Facebook got photo of his wang

Image 16
Disturbingly, all 27 voicemail messages are recordings of animal sounds

Image 17
“Hey … this ‘Audrey Ryan’ sounds a lot like Waffles … ”

Image 18 
In Fakeamericaville, everyone drives cars from the 50’s and lives on farms

Image 20 
Creepy geriatric shut-in cut off one of Waffles’ ears to send with ransom note before he escaped

Image 21
Waffles has decided he wants to start seeing other people

Loathsomeness: 6.5


  1. Favorite line= "Waffles would be mortified to see that they used his yearbook photo"

  2. Good to see you back; too bad that the ads have gotten worse over the last six months.

  3. Thanks, Dread. Every time I try to get out, they pull me back in.

  4. Saw your site for the first time today - It's great.

    As for "Waffles" - I don't like dogs but I'd take him in just to get him away from that strange family and strange time-warp town - speaking of which...

    I think that those ad execs might be from California, not New York. Through a little effort I was able to make out the name on the street sign by the general store, and it says "Dillon Beach" which is a coastal CA resort town, and the general store is actually real (well, as real as a general store can be in a beach resort town). Whether the rest of the commercial was filmed there, I can't tell.

    Meanwhile, as for TWC, much worse than "Waffles" is the continued use of alleged actor Mike O'Malley in a string of commercials where he plays Everymoron. I recognise his evil voice so quickly that I'm able to mute the TV within a nanosecond or two. These commercials easily go to 11 on the loathsomeness scale...

  5. Good eye, DDB9K -- and thanks for your support. We've taken notice of Mr. O'Malley's crimes against humanity, as those TWC commercials play relentlessly in our TV market.

  6. "Luckily, no one else was using this old set from Gunsmoke"--lol!

  7. Hyderabad Cable Communication, Hyderabad. 229 likes · 4 talking about this. The Hyderabad Cable Communication is The Electronic Media TV cable Service. contact the team

    1. Next time I'm in Hyderabad, I'll be sure to look you up.


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.