Synopsis: A worried single mother stereotypically brought to life by Karl Rove’s anonymously-financed SuperPAC lie machine wakes up in the middle of the night to mentally review President Obama’s record of economic failure and ponder how she can stop him from turning America into a dystopian socialist prison.
It’s 3:01 – do you know where your balanced budget is?
For a few precious moments, Judy Peterson sleeps peacefully in manless bed despite Washington’s out-of-control borrowing and spending
Then she’s awoken by the camera crew
If hedge fund managers have to pay a slightly higher capital gains tax, will they still be able to afford their fancy cars and vacation homes?
Before Judy was forced to purchase health insurance for herself and her children, their carefree days were filled with smiles and laughter
After Obamacare passed, a government panel ordered that Sam be buried alive because amount it cost for his asthma medication was deemed better spent on self-esteem workshop for recovering crack addicts
Now the danger of big oil companies losing their public subsidies is turning Judy’s whole world upside-down
How can ExxonMobil survive without financial assistance?
Despite three visits from Father Mahoney, apparition of Barack Obama has appeared every night since house went into foreclosure
“You want scary? Try hallucinating Mitch McConnell.”
“That guy’s face looks like it’s been hit by a cannonball.”
“Yeah, that’s right – I said it …”
Why can’t he just leave the poor folks on Wall Street alone?
Unfortunately, all of those jobs were on the moon
That steep drop in unemployment during the higher-tax era of the Clinton Administration seems like a mistake
Guess that’s why they erased it
Actually, it’s been quite a while since Judy received any kind of stimulus at all
She had to lay off her husband last year due to the recession; also the fact that he was banging her sister Louise
Just in case someone is reading her mind, Judy is careful to make sure that all her recollections of ominous milestones in nation’s unfolding debt crisis are properly sourced for attribution
Judy rarely uses this replica of Charles Lindbergh’s bathroom anymore
It’s where her alcoholic brother slit his wrists after he found out that Obama wanted to eliminate tax loopholes for corporate jets
Must be a bit chilly in there
“Not you again …”
Why does President Obama hate me and all that I represent? Is it my hair?
The bank repossessed her slippers last week
Maybe she’d have more money for Mom’s hip surgery if she didn’t leave the lights on all night
Abigail is blissfully unaware of the Democrats’ plan to tax stuffed animals in order to pay for federally-funded abortions
Ten years from now she’ll be pulling up beets on some state-run farming collective under the lash of Nancy Pelosi
That’s when the bathtub drowning idea pops up again
Hurry, before President Obama is able to find a way to prevent himself from personally gaining hundreds of thousands of dollars from the Bush tax cuts over strenuous Republican objections