Thursday, July 21, 2011

Crossroads GPS “Awake”

Link 01A Logo 01B

Synopsis: A worried single mother stereotypically brought to life by Karl Rove’s anonymously-financed SuperPAC lie machine wakes up in the middle of the night to mentally review President Obama’s record of economic failure and ponder how she can stop him from turning America into a dystopian socialist prison.

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It’s 3:01 – do you know where your balanced budget is?

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For a few precious moments, Judy Peterson sleeps peacefully in manless bed despite Washington’s out-of-control borrowing and spending

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Then she’s awoken by the camera crew

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If hedge fund managers have to pay a slightly higher capital gains tax, will they still be able to afford their fancy cars and vacation homes?

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Before Judy was forced to purchase health insurance for herself and her children, their carefree days were filled with smiles and laughter

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After Obamacare passed, a government panel ordered that Sam be buried alive because amount it cost for his asthma medication was deemed better spent on self-esteem workshop for recovering crack addicts

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Now the danger of big oil companies losing their public subsidies is turning Judy’s whole world upside-down

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How can ExxonMobil survive without financial assistance?

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Despite three visits from Father Mahoney, apparition of Barack Obama has appeared every night since house went into foreclosure

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“You want scary?  Try hallucinating Mitch McConnell.”

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“That guy’s face looks like it’s been hit by a cannonball.”

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“Yeah, that’s right – I said it …”

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Why can’t he just leave the poor folks on Wall Street alone?

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Unfortunately, all of those jobs were on the moon

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That steep drop in unemployment during the higher-tax era of the Clinton Administration seems like a mistake

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Guess that’s why they erased it

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Actually, it’s been quite a while since Judy received any kind of stimulus at all

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She had to lay off her husband last year due to the recession; also the fact that he was banging her sister Louise

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Just in case someone is reading her mind, Judy is careful to make sure that all her recollections of ominous milestones in nation’s unfolding debt crisis are properly sourced for attribution

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Judy rarely uses this replica of Charles Lindbergh’s bathroom anymore

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It’s where her alcoholic brother slit his wrists after he found out that Obama wanted to eliminate tax loopholes for corporate jets

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Must be a bit chilly in there

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“Not you again …”

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Why does President Obama hate me and all that I represent?  Is it my hair?

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The bank repossessed her slippers last week

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Maybe she’d have more money for Mom’s hip surgery if she didn’t leave the lights on all night

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Abigail is blissfully unaware of the Democrats’ plan to tax stuffed animals in order to pay for federally-funded abortions

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Ten years from now she’ll be pulling up beets on some state-run farming collective under the lash of Nancy Pelosi

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That’s when the bathtub drowning idea pops up again

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Hurry, before President Obama is able to find a way to prevent himself from personally gaining hundreds of thousands of dollars from the Bush tax cuts over strenuous Republican objections

Loathsomeness: 9.5


  1. The third close-up shot of Obama and caption could not match more perfectly.

  2. Nor could the description of McConnell's face and the real thing. That is one ugly dude.

  3. For added comedic goodness, check the website at the URL at end of the ad (not gonna type it as I don't want to promote it on Google).
    The cartoon thought bubble coming out of Obama's head with the words "I can't be out of money - I still have checks left!" really succeeds in demonstrating that this organization has a firm grip on the issue of the national debt, and knows exactly who's at fault for all of our fiscal woes.

  4. Yes, if there's any single metaphor that aptly characterizes Obama's ability to get what he wants during the past year of his presidency, with a Republican-led House and a filibuster-paralyzed Senate, it's a "blank check."

    We should thank Crossroads for taking an exceedingly complex issue and reducing it to a simple, relatable image which even the most politically ignorant American can easily understand as being completely irrelevant.

  5. Let's not forget what other cause these idiots hype in order to stampede the masses into ignoring their looting the country: the need to stop gay people from being as 'happily' married as straight people.

  6. Yes, Dreaded, but I think you know that The Planet has already covered that one:

    Btw, I don't presume to know the Editor's political leanings, but I hope The Planet is applauding New York State today for allowing gay couples marriage equality.

  7. Fortunately, we haven't yet reached the level of political sophistication we see here up North....yet. The closest we came was the last election wherein Harper pointed out that Ignatieff was even more hot to trot with the Americans than he was.

  8. Dread: good use of quotation marks around "happily." If conservatives really dislike gays, you'd think they'd want 'em to suffer along with the rest of us.

  9. OK. So they actually showed that unemployment graph in their ad? The one that shows the unemployment rate skyrocketing before the stimulus, then leveling off after the stimulus?

  10. Yeah; guess it was supposed to drop back down to zero overnight.

    The chart also illustrates that (1) the previous unemployment peak was in the early 90's, at the end of the Elder Bush Administration; and (2) unemployment took off again after Bush Jr. aggressively cut taxes on "job creators," who simply pocketed the extra cash and moved their operations overseas.


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