Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Victory Films “Undefeated”

Link 02B Logo 02A

Synopsis: In a stirring documentary with which his publicity-shy subject clearly had no involvement whatsoever, investment banker-turned-non-award-winning conservative filmmaker Stephen Bannon chronicles the heroic rise of Sarah Palin from anonymous tundra breeder to Real America’s Rogue Warrior-Princess of the North as she courageously challenges the status quo and claims public reimbursement for personal expenses across a melting slushpile of a state with fewer residents than metropolitan El Paso.

Image 01 
Sarah accuses parents of blood libel after being scolded for misbehaving during family trip to Alaskan bog

Image 02
Todd found Sarah’s brown eyes and refusal to read newspapers irresistible

Image 03 
First Dude secretly voted for Alaskan Independence Party candidate, possibly while high

Image 05
Mama grizzly attends to newborn; later pulls salmon out of river with teeth

Image 06
Michele Bachmann could do this in her sleep

Image 07 
Palins would never exploit son’s military service for political purposes

Image 08 
Wearing corsage from senior prom, Sarah basks in electoral victory

Image 09
Cut to Burning Atlanta scene from “Gone With the Wind,” for some reason

Image 10 
High-resolution satellite photo shows Earth still has vast reserves of fossil fuel

Image 12
Oil company execs sat on death panels before it was cool

Image 14 
In high school Sarah was voted “Most Likely to Shoot Defenseless Animals From a Helicopter and/or Steal High-End Donor-Financed Clothing From the Republican National Committee”

Image 18
“Undefeated” VP candidate Palin on way to unwinning 2008 election

Image 20
“You hear about this ditzy nutjob from Wasilla?  My ol’ mutt Spooner’s got more smarts, and he tried to swim across that oil slick.”

Image 21
“No one has the guts to take on whoever we’re supposed to be!  Whatever interests we might represent are much too powerful!”

Image 22 
Investigative report on global warming conspiracy spontaneously combusts in 106-degree Juneau heat

Image 24 
Palin voter knows he’ll never be able to live down his catastrophic mistake

Image 25 
“She just seemed so [sniff] … fiscally responsible … and [sob] … hot ...”

Image 26
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar; but in this case, it’s an overused cliché for wealthy “Establishment” elites who need to be curtailed, yet somehow also deserve tax breaks

Image 27
Official seal of Alaska GOP is image of white elephant with head blown off

Image 28
Another difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull is that a pit bull knows it’s utterly unqualified to hold political office

Image 30
Welcome to beautiful Wasilla, Alaska …

Image 31
… population: crazy

Image 32
Sarah receives personal instructions from God while Todd wonders if it’s time to have her committed

Image 33 
Jane Seymour look scrapped after polling indicated that 67% of religious conservatives preferred “Sexy School Teacher”

Image 35
Governor Palin declares war on Russia before moving on to contentious state vegetable issue

Image 36
Sarah and the kids visit Arsenictown

Image 38
“I, Sarah Palin, do solemnly swear, that I will serve about half a term, then quit to write a self-promoting memoir and star in a reality series on TLC …”

Image 39 
She evidently managed to get through this one without crib notes

Image 40
Governor Palin boldly nixed water and sewer lines – but the boat lift stays

Image 41 
Residents of Klawock will just have to learn to live without indoor plumbing

Image 42 
Despite availability of commercial shredders, inefficient federal government still cuts up hard-earned taxpayer dollars by hand

Image 43
Tea Party activist shows patriotism by skipping work, adorning self with Chinese-made American flags, and calling for President’s impeachment on grounds that he wants to enable poor people to afford cancer treatment

Image 44
Social Security and Medicare recipient Marjorie Trimble (right) demands that the government stop interfering in her life

Image 46
Nationals Park is poignant symbol of endless ineptitude in Washington

Image 46A 
If only Congress could cut Jayson Werth

Image 47 
Since 2008, little Piper has been afraid that Bill Ayers is hiding in her closet

Image 48
Palin answers reporter’s question about number of foreign countries she’s visited in her lifetime, naming the United States and Arizona

Image 49
Lamestream media realizes that Sarah must be stopped at all costs

Image 50
An urgent message is sent out to Katie Couric

Image 51
… as advance team of human clones arrives in Alaska to start digging up dirt

Image 52 
One of them drew short straw to impregnate Bristol, but as it turned out, that mission was already accomplished

Image 53
“Launch Tina Fey!”

Image 54
Bridge to Nowhere swallows up time-traveling cars from the 70’s

Image 55
If this happens to you, tell your doctor – it could be the sign of a rare but potentially serious kidney problem

Image 56 And that’s why children’s pajamas are no longer made out of money

Image 58 
I smell Oscar … oh; wait – that’s something else.

Loathsomeness: 9.8

8 comments:

  1. That was amazing. Truly. It made my lame-ass insomnia tolerable and for that, I thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh, great; a biopic about the Candidate From Psychosis. Just what we did not need in these days before her fellow idiot tea-baggers bluster about how government doesn't work....after they willfully sabotage it for insane, stupid and mean-spirited reasons.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Pahz: you're the best, and glad to help. Sarah truly is a gift that keeps on giving.

    Dread: sabotaging America's democratic, constitutional government is the very essence of patriotism. That's what the Founding Fathers who created it would have wanted us to do.

    ReplyDelete
  4. The bit about Medicare/SSI recipient protesting government involvement in healthcare just killed me. Or rather, it killed a big chunk of my faith in humanity.

    The Tea Party: Because hating the government that you and your fellow Americans are responsible for is patriotic!

    ReplyDelete
  5. D'oh. The Editor said it, and better.

    ReplyDelete
  6. The virtues of hating the government while accepting innumerable benefits from it cannot be emphasized enough. With federal revenue as a percentage of GDP at its lowest level in half a century, our evil Washington overlords have cleverly disguised their secret plan to crush the spirits of hard-working Americans through massive, crippling taxation.

    ReplyDelete
  7. So funny, so accurate...but you forgot about this anti-abortion person's two abortions while in college. The hypocrisy is strong with this one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's just what the Lamestream Media wants you to think.

      Delete