Thursday, February 9, 2012

Santorum “Mittpocalypse”

Link 01A Logo 04A 

Synopsis: Earnest, bevested culture warrior Rick Santorum attempts to persuade his fellow crypto-Christian troglodytes to support his long-shot presidential campaign by portraying Mitt Romney’s plodding march to the GOP nomination as a grim, Orwellian nightmare with surprisingly good production values.

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Fashionable boots declare, “I’m not some inbred hick,” but fresh mud stains warn, “Keep away from my hog farm.”

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Voting in the 2012 Republican primaries is roughly the same experience as a trip to the DMV, only with better lighting

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The Establishment looks a lot like your kid’s recently-suspended bus driver

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“Vote Romney, you sniveling punks!”

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“The Cayman fund is legal … Repeat: the Cayman fund is legal.”

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Romney staff is rethinking choice of “Drizzle Gray” in campaign shirt order

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Somehow he looks more lifelike in only two dimensions

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Coming to you via subspace transmission from the planet Zeltron …

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Teri Garr wonders how it came to this, while drunk trucker marching behind wonders what it would be like to have sex with Teri Garr

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There’s one Romney for each of his positions on health insurance mandates

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“… the fact that I tortured my dog … you will ACCEPT my freakish sons as your own …”

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Brainwashed Romney supporter dreams of a world where long-suffering venture capitalists are free from oppression and wealthiest Americans are celebrated for avoiding taxes by stashing their money overseas

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Cody feels better now that he doesn’t have to worry about the very poor

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“Look at the eyebrows … These are the brows of destiny!”

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Establishment blindfold girl has a rockin’ body

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They told him that doorway led to fiscal sanity

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Misled dupe falls off edge of electoral defeat …

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… and tumbles down to pile of skeletonized McCain voters below

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Meanwhile, back in Pleasantville …

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… an emotional woman opposed to intrusive government except when it asserts control over her own reproductive organs gets attention of Romney zombies with computer-rendered sign

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Who’s Rick Sant Rum?

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“Stay back – this was not pre-approved by the back room power-brokers!”

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World’s largest iPad displays image of America’s dumbest politician

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Newly-empowered voter dramatically pulls off bland, conformist sweatshirt to reveal …

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… bland, conformist polo shirt

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Ad team nixed fetus, so Santorum went with soaring eagle instead

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Home-schooled Santorum children are proud of father’s principled stand against some icky sex thing that makes Jesus cry

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Because even though you’d rather vote for Ron Paul, deep in your heart, you know he’s nuts

Loathsomeness: 7.5

9 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Awesome.

      Seriously -- who's the genius who designed that campaign logo? From a distance of more than a foot, it looks like a display ad in a liquor store.

      Delete
  2. Nice! And no references to the other "santorum". Keepin' it classy ;)

    Is it just me, or is this a pretty transparent rip-off of that famous "1984" Apple commercial?

    The difference being that in this one, instead of the brightly-dressed woman shattering a big video screen that's displaying a dogmatic, authoritarian propagandist, she's the one providing said screen.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As you know, we have very high standards here at the Planet.

      Good call on the Apple commercial -- we had the same thought. It looks like Santorum wants to replace one form of brainwashing with another. Yea freedom!

      Delete
    2. The Americans as lemmings theme is one that will never grow old.

      "We love the leader!"

      Delete
  3. Just once, I wish one of these yahoos would just admit that he's a flabby whore answerable solely to the highest bidder; the honesty of the deed would probably so impress the masses that he'd get more votes than pretending to be moral and good.

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    Replies
    1. Sounds like the Stephen Colbert platform. He'd get my vote over The Rickster.

      Delete
  4. Every time I see his name I see Sanitarium instead. Not without reason, it turns out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In any rational society, that's where they'd send people who believe that the world is only 6,000 years old.

      Delete

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