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Thursday, March 29, 2012

Cain “Rabbit”

Link 03A Logo 01B

Synopsis: The Cain Train stops in the Arizona desert to make a thoughtful, carefully-reasoned appeal for comprehensive tax reform by simulating the slaughter of a child’s pet bunny.

01 
Small business never looked so adorable

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Who’d wanna over-regulate this cute little guy?

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At first, the current tax code appears deceptively warm and cozy …

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… the perfect place to give birth to a litter of rambunctious new jobs

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But suddenly, something seems amiss …

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The Democrats’ stimulus plan is a trap!

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This can’t be good

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IRS agents use vulnerable sectors of the economy for target practice

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Medieval catapult has to be returned to the Capital One set by 5:00

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We’re all clear that this is totally insane, right?

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To avoid getting blown out of the sky by maniacal tax man, rabbit should have filed Form 8892 and Schedule D

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Cain Solutions CGI budget was $15

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Rabbit’s pathetic squeals of terror really capture the moment

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This ad is pretty strange, but no one would ever actually portray a helpless animal getting shot just to make a political – 

19A
Never mind.

19A
If you look closely, you can see computer-animated spleen

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Even Obamacare can’t save him now

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In Florida, this would be considered self-defense

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There’s no duty to retreat from a flying rabbit

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The really scary part: eight-year-old girl with face of a steelworker

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“Any questions, dickhead?”

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Ask if she knows how to count to 9-9-9, and she’ll kick your ass

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So … the shooter is Stephen Colbert?

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In the Director’s Cut, they put the girl in the catapult

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Herman Cain calmly awaits the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

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Somewhere down below, dozens of former female associates rush to final tell-all interviews with People magazine

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Apparently one of Cain’s solutions is to drop acid

Loathsomeness: 7.3

14 comments:

  1. Oh, GOD!!! Not this idiot again! What is he trying to do, make people support Mencken's asshole remark about hanging failed candidates as a form of mercy killing?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. At least he ditched the fedora -- although this would seem to have been the right occasion for it.

      Delete
  2. I think the shooter resembles a conservative, clean-shaven John Stamos.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They tried to get him, but he was busy with those yogurt commercials.

      Delete
  3. The shooter is the lead singer from Weezer and the girl is a young Glenn Danzig.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I had to look up Danzig, but, my God, you're right -- the resemblance is uncanny.

      Delete
    2. I thought the shooter resembled a distraught Josh Molina, whose character obviously fell on hard times after Sports Night folded

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    3. At least he wasn't the rabbit.

      Delete
  4. I have two questions:

    1. Why is this guy still hanging around?

    2. How can I raise enough money to run a series of SickOfHermanCain.com commercials?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The legal settlements that Cain or the organizations he's worked for have had or will have to pay his numerous sexual harassment victims constitutes an economic stimulus in and of itself ... which is probably the answer to Question 1.

      As for Question 2, you can count on us for a donation.

      Delete
  5. Wow, that had nothing to do with anything. He might have shown real havoc wreaked by the stimulus, but not this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Some havoc was wreaked on that rabbit.

      Delete
  6. Are we positive that this isn't an SNL skit that was cut from the show and leaked online that a Cain staffer mistook for something real and posted on an official site?
    I'm trying to decide if that'd make this more or less hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I say it's funnier straight-up, because the most amusing thing about it is the idea that Cain might still believe anyone takes him seriously.

      Delete

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