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Sunday, March 18, 2012

McDonald’s “Sundays”

Link 02A Logo 01A

Synopsis: In the most distasteful display of masculine capitulation since MultiGrain Cheerios’ infamous “Steve,” McDonald’s presents a bitter, conniving shrew rhetorically bludgeoning her hapless oaf of a husband into throwing another sports-loving guy under the bus for the sake of fleeting marital harmony and the chance to peaceably consume colorful clusters of trans fat.

01
Tyrell and Sharise sit down to breakfast in cleanest McDonald’s in North America while angry loner decides to get quick Diet Coke before spraying restaurant with gunfire

02
Tyrell wanted to discuss results of his recent biopsy, but hearing mundane details of wife’s sister’s relationship with her new boyfriend obviously takes precedence

06
“… he thinks Sundays are just for watching football.  And don’t even get me started on what he thinks Mondays are for …”

07
Tension arises when Sharise challenges love of her life to agree that a guy’s preference for doing something he enjoys is unequivocally wrong

09 
Loaded question confuses Tyrell, since he hasn’t experienced any form of enjoyment whatsoever since foolishly purchasing an engagement ring two years ago

11
The word “football” sounds vaguely familiar, but, like the word “backbone,” he can’t quite remember what it means

12
In Tyrell’s imagination, he lives in 1957, he finally got around to cleaning the bay windows, and all of his personal belongings fit into a single piece of carry-on luggage

15
Seconds later, he’s devoured by out-of-control shrubbery

16
Back in reality, Tyrell faces terrible dilemma of whether to robotically tell wife what she wants to hear about some random dude who’s nailing her sister, or go without food and sex for a week

17
Sharise can wait all day for husband to emasculate himself

18
It usually doesn’t take this long

19
Let’s see … what’s my position on Syria – no, wait … Sundays

21 
Maybe I should go over to the next booth and consult with LeBron James.

23
Dumping that 200 degree coffee on her lap might shut her up ...

24 
Yeah, that would be sweet … then I could use the settlement money to buy a 70-inch plasma TV for not watching football!

25
What would you do, disgusting Breakfast Burrito?

26
It looks like it’s been pre-digested.

27
Why did I order this shit? 

28
Oh, man, I’m gonna be sick ...

29
Did something just move in there?

31
Sharise likes to neatly display her food before not eating it

34
Tyrell narrows his response down to three options:

38
A: “I can’t stand you, you vile, manipulative bitch!”

39
B: “Why you gotta disrespect me like that?  I should’ve married your sister – then at least I wouldn’t have to waste every damn Sunday listening to you talk about her behind her back!”

37
C: “You are so right that a woman’s endless emotional needs are more important than a man’s desire to watch sports on TV.”

40
Guess which one he went with?

41
Sharise is pleased by her husband’s soul-crushing humiliation

43
Next on the debate agenda: “Resolved: Your balls are mine.”

44
In McDonald’s, no one can hear you scream

Loathsomeness: 9.1

13 comments:

  1. Fantastic. I despise this commercial. The thought process going through Tyrell's mind is priceless.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It took him 20 minutes of intense internal deliberation to come up with "He's a jerk." Then he quickly stuffs the Breakfast Burrito into his mouth before he has to say anything more. Well played, Tyrell, well played.

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  2. Great. Super. I wonder if Lynn Johnston will sue Mickey D's for copyright infringement. This is, after all, For Affirmative Action or For Worse.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. McDonald's relentlessly targets African-Americans in its advertising, for reasons which we're sure are entirely benign.

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    2. Sure they are. The exhortations to consume this stuff remind me of an ad thetruth put out once. That's because just like Big Tobacco, Big Fast Food is making black people history.

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    3. McDonald's: Sundays are for diabetes.

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    4. This sort of ad reminds me of the "Morbidly Obese Albert" sketch on Mad TV: Na-na-na/Goin' to a funeral!/Hey-hey-hey!

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  3. Her "Believe that" at the beginning is very telling. It's not really a question as much as it is a direct order.

    Compliance on the outside, but his internal reaction is "Believe that I will go home and delete all your Oprah recordings".

    Although now is not the time to to tell her that he's just ordered NFL Sunday Ticket.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think we'd need to get a look at Sharise's sister to properly evaluate her boyfriend's decision to dedicate his Sundays to watching football.

      Delete
  4. Hmmm. Just found this site. As it is somewhat true and I hope satirical, I am still curious about whether you actually make a living from these opinions?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What is this "living" of which you speak?

      Alas, no. But if you tell 30,000 of your friends, that might change.

      Delete
  5. I wish you did. It seems you're fuckin genius.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, man. I'm working on it. Glad to have you onboard.

      Delete

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