Monday, April 9, 2012

Santorum “Obamaville”

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Synopsis: Using frightening imagery from nearly every horror movie ever made subliminally spliced together like a 1950’s-era brainwashing experiment, Rick Santorum imagines a small town in America (which is somehow also occasionally a major city) two years into Barack Obama’s second term as a kind of dystopian, pre-apocalyptic theme park.

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Satanic crow takes flight in President Obama’s new world of evil

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Squawking flock circles overhead, searching for decaying bodies of fatally taxed job creators

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Unlike vampires, solar-powered cars are useless after sunset

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The economy is so bad, Norman Bates had to lay off his mother

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Mayans tried to warn us of coming disaster, but no one listened

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Freely-available contraception means fewer children to enjoy arsenic-laden playground equipment

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After he wandered into Pelosi Woods, Bobby was never seen again

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Despite troubled times, creepy twins from “The Shining” seem to have landed on their feet

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“I got one – a Bible tax!  And we can use the money to subsidize New Age homoerotic performance art!”

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Imprisoned serial killer eagerly looks forward to having conviction overturned based on legal technicality so he can resume collecting severed heads of disarmed citizens

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Shhh … don’t tell Rick Santorum he’s off his rocker.

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They have to give 6 1/2 of those onions to the federal government

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Flashing back to 1934, impoverished Oklahoma farm girl holds 21st century president retroactively responsible for Dust Bowl

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Haunting image of long-dead ancestor felled by smallpox presents a subtle yet compelling argument for lowering capital gains tax

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Few things are more terrifying than an available bed in a spacious, well-equipped hospital room

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Little-known provision of the Affordable Care Act stipulates that all medical treatment must be rendered in eerie, blood-red light

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Algae fuel not only more expensive than gas, but smells really bad

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Gary takes regular unleaded

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Delores Redfern anxiously awaits verdict of death panel

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Unfortunately, healthcare cost-benefit analysis revealed that she’s literally not worth her own salt

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Husband Mac buried her by the side of the road the next day

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First executive order of Obama’s second term mandated replacement of all existing timepieces with vintage Soviet clocks

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“Where’s the Ayatollah?” is popular children’s game in Iran

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Every American now required to maintain continuous live video chat with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

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“How you doin’?”

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Okay, watch closely …

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America-hating anti-Semitic terrorist =

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Any questions?

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Fortunately, TV is still hooked up to PlayStation

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Cloned IRS agents fan out across the country in search of struggling small businesses to destroy

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On bright side, still plenty of good space available to pitch OWS tent

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Demonically-possessed trees thrive in cleaner environment

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Chortling NPR bigwigs celebrate another year of filling nation’s airwaves with publicly-funded left-wing propaganda

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Director of Catholic charity forced to vacate office in order to make way for new Planned Parenthood clinic

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Adding insult to injury, termination notice is printed in Latin

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Ancient Romans are stealing our jobs

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Soaring food prices and fascist anti-obesity initiatives made Governor Chris Christie’s weight drop to a dangerously-low 210 pounds

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Fixated on abuses of Washington, unsuspecting nation failed to perceive far greater threat to liberty brewing in Bowie, Maryland

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Black.  Foreign.  Scary.

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Last unsubjugated patriot stages symbolic act of resistance by driving gas-guzzling SUV without seatbelt while smoking extra-tar cigarette

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Meet your new neighbor

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Jails are overcrowded with ministers who refuse to perform gay marriages or dispense free birth control pills to church employees

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Drawing a subliminal blank.  Herpes from sexual permissiveness?  Botched collagen injection covered under new health insurance law?  Cold-weather chapped lips refuting global warming?  Maya Rudolph without makeup? John Boehner – Sonia Sotomayor love child?

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“Wear a helmet!  Recycle your trash!  Don’t shoot innocent kids on their way home from the store!  Blah, blah, blah!”

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Busy President rushes off to 1:00 meeting with Lucifer

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Today’s forecast calls for locusts. Tonight: 80% chance of frogs.

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Claims to be a Christian, but obsession with ending wars, forgiving enemies, and helping poor goes against everything Jesus stood for

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And we conclude with a cheerful allusion to late-term abortion.

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Dog’s-eye view of road from roof of Mitt Romney’s station wagon

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Next stop: Hillarytown

Loathsomeness: 9.3

10 comments:

  1. This would be almost funny were it not heart-breakingly stupid. I mean, for all the GOP's talk about fighting Islamofascism, the average terrorist is waiting for those dumb-ass Republicans to come back so they don't have to worry about getting murdered by drones or Army rangers.

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    1. Well, after this week's campaign suspension, it looks like The Rickster won't get a chance to be that dumb-ass.

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  2. Wow. Just, wow. Wowity-ow.
    Man, this explains a lot, actually. I just finished this e-book, "The Authoritarians" by Bob Altemeyer (Google it, he's made it freely available online). It's quite entertaining, actually, especially for a book about a personality profile written by a research psychologist :) Anyway, it's amazing how clearly these images are meant to speak directly to people who score high on Altemeyer's authoritarian index. The inculcation of fear, the corruption of "traditional" imagery, the association of the target (Obama) with the "other" (Ahmadinejad), the "I'm so certain about this that it MUST be true, don't even question it" general tenor... I sure hope this video is still online at the end of Obama's second term. It could be the "Dewey defeats Truman" of this century :)

    (Sorry, didn't mean to do a mini book report there, but it's really a great read)

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    1. The book sounds interesting and highly relevant. There are additional images embedded in this commercial that are shown on screen for instants so brief, we literally could not capture them. It wouldn't be surprising if Adolph Hitler was buried in there somewhere.

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    2. Now you've really got me curious.
      I found a way to do it. Download Greasemonkey for Firefox (Tampermonkey if you're using Chrome), and download this script:
      http://userscripts.org/scripts/review/33042

      It's a youtube spiffinator. It lets you advance in very small steps (though I'm not sure it's quite one frame at a time) and also download the thing as an mp4 so you can take it apart with the viewer of your choice.

      I didn't really find anything blatant like Hitlerbama, more like a bunch of nonsensical things like a meatgrinder juxtaposed against the Capitol dome (you got that shot) with a quite scenic and pretty shot of crashing ocean waves in the middle of it. I'm actually amazed you were able to nail everything you did without going through it frame by frame.
      About the one fun thing I found was an "angry scary Iranian" shot with a great big banner that railed against "Isreal".
      No wonder they only put that one up for a couple of frames :)

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    3. Good work. I think we caught a glimpse of the meatgrinder (there must be a suitable "pink slime" joke to insert here), but we missed "Isreal." Nice to know that one thing Americans share with radical Islamists is our penchant for crazy protest banners and comically incorrect spelling.

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  3. Welp, we're all living in Obamaville now. I'll keep my eyes peeled for foreboding ravens and people attempting to commit suicide with gas nozzles :)

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    1. Sorry for the super-delayed response; I've been busy stocking up on gunpowder and bottled water. Is it ravens or crows? I've seen more of both lately. They must be gathering for the second Inauguration.

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  4. I guess the countdown is on now! Happy end of life as you know it New Year!

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    Replies
    1. No sign of the Apocalypse yet, but I'm watching the sky every day for circling crows.

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