Synopsis: The National Rifle Association attempts to bolster its public image by using a well-liked president’s children to advance the argument that the most nurturing environment for young kids is a country in which they are surrounded by guns at all times.
Arrows don’t kill people – eagles with arrows kill people
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First Kids’ bulletproof lunchboxes keep Fruit Roll-Ups and nuclear launch codes safe from enemy attack
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Two of our precious little ones take five-minute break from Call of Duty Black Ops before being overcome by fresh air
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Well, yeah, kind of.
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Because 97% of private security guards are alcoholic police rejects
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I would’ve expected hairier forearms.
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Yeah, this is what we want.
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Future site of U.N. Department of American Affairs
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Trusting God is a lot easier when you’re armed to the teeth
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New IRS regulations require all income taxes to be paid in stacks of crisp paper bills
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Looming specter of President Obama also will accept trillion-dollar platinum coins
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The most powerful elites in America: Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Michael Bloomberg, Dianne Feinstein, and … David Gregory?
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In hindsight, group Christmas card photo probably was a bad idea
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Looks like the Secret Service has given up trying to blend in
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NRA members count flying assault rifles to help fall asleep at night
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So, just to be clear – David Gregory’s kids are protected by M16’s?
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Public schools already are learning-free zones
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40-foot sign also repels rocket fire
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If students knew how to read, they’d be outraged
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Little-known fact: King George III wanted to ban high-capacity ammo clips and require computerized background checks at gun shows, but colonists rebelled
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Incredibly, not one of these freedom-loving Americans is obese or staring hypnotically at an iPhone
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If only there was a Second Amendment for cigarettes …
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California is hot, but some find her size intimidating
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The two things the NRA fears most: black helicopters and black presidents
Loathsomeness: 9.4
Posts
Welcome back. I guess this gem was the catalyst to coax you out of retirement.
ReplyDeleteThanks, man. Nice to know I've still got a few fans out there.
DeleteIt sort of bothers me that people like this can't see the obvious flaw in their argument: Obama has armed guards watching over his children because he needs to protect them from the crazy people who have unfettered access to guns and an overweening need to blaze away at anyone who displeases them.
ReplyDeleteSounds like more elitist hypocrite talk to me.
DeleteYes, but whose?
DeleteYay! The Editor (he/she/it/they?) is BACK!
ReplyDeleteThe internet is a slightly brighter and more snarky place, and I am thankful :)
"He" :-) Trying to keep at it ...
Delete"Are they President's kids more important than yours?"
ReplyDeleteI had the same thought. "Um, yeah, they sorta are."
Sorry. If YOUR kids get kidnapped, no one has gained emotional leverage over the keeper of the world's largest nuclear arsenal. So yes, they may be precious snowflakes to you, but no one else cares. The world is a cold and heartless place, enjoy your stay.
Precisely.
Delete