Thursday, February 21, 2013

Cialis “Unexpected”

Link 01A Logo 01A

Synopsis: Two Cialis-popping older married men enjoy the confidence of knowing that, if their formerly useless and ignored wives now happen to do something slightly unusual or endearing, their dangerously elevated shaftacular blood flow will allow them to immediately take it to the hoop.

01
At first, it seems like a typical night out – Judy complains about her skanky co-workers at Aetna Customer Service while Carl desperately tries to get check so he can make it home before end of Nets game

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01A
Suddenly, Judy does something totally unexpected …

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02
She takes a forkful of … Carl’s dessert?!

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03 
Look at him – he has no clue.

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04 
Brimming with anticipation, Judy can’t wait to see how her husband and his pharmaceutically enabled penis react to her bold move

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05
“You just blew my mind.”

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05A
Man, that is so Judy.

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07
“Here, baby – eat my slice of strawberry cheesecake in addition to the other one you wolfed down a few seconds ago.”

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08
“I’ll just sit here and practice imagining that you’re Beyoncé.”

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10
Meanwhile, in Central Ohio, John Hubert gets ready to start another day of pretending to look for a job while secretly gambling away his fourth wife’s meager income

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10A 
Speaking of whom, what is that little firecracker up to now?

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11
Helen may act innocent, but she has to know that this would drive any tadalafil-infused man wild

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12 
Giant yellow testicle in Cialis logo is starting to heat up

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12A
John can’t believe Helen’s uninhibited behavior – and right in front of the window, where the whole neighborhood can see!

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12B
Before he started taking Cialis for daily use, John would have had to find some way to appreciate this special moment without engaging in sexual intercourse

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13
Now, thanks to Eli Lilly and Company, he’ll never have to express his love emotionally again

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14
I’m gonna hit that.

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14A 
Helen is so preoccupied with receiving an update on friend’s latest round of chemotherapy that she doesn’t even realize how much John is getting turned on

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16
She’s so cute – just like the first day she visited me in prison.

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16A 
Her younger sister is pretty cute too, come to think of it.

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18 
Helen finally notices John’s romantic leering

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18A
Frozen smile hides exhaustion from interminable lovemaking

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19
“Look who’s ready for another Cialithon, honey!”

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20
She’s starting to have nightmares about that thing

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21
“Honestly, John – can’t you just use my Glamour again?”

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24
Apparently the “right moment” is any time she makes eye contact

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25
Unfortunately, Cialis will not give you hair, make you a better lover, or settle your long-standing billing dispute with Time Warner Cable

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28
“Are you ready to experience 5 milligrams worth of raging desire?”

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28A
If there were Cialis for women, she’d need a whole bottle right now

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29
Back at Chez Boner, Judy’s ready for her third dessert

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30
Carl, still reeling from the cheesecake incident, has no idea what she’ll do next

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33
“Your need for prescription medication in order to become physically attracted to me is so sexy.”

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36
“Maybe tonight I’ll double the dosage and we can do it face-to-face.”

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37 
Based on his understanding of female sexuality, John assumes that his wife will become instantly aroused by unilateral declaration of his readiness to penetrate her

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39
He’s like a horny Dwight Eisenhower

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42
Cialis marketing studies show that there’s an 85% correlation between men who have E.D. and men who subscribe to Golf Digest

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44
Helen grimly resigns herself to another day of being a receptacle for her husband’s chemically-fueled sex drive

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47
She curses the day he worked up the nerve to see that doctor

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52
“Seriously – where did you come up with the idea of eating my cake when I wasn’t looking?  Did you see that on YouTube or something?”

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56
Nothing conveys sexual intimacy like an aversion to sharing a bathtub with your partner

-1:00-

100
Because a wang is a terrible thing to waste

Loathsomeness: 6.8

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