Sunday, February 24, 2013

NRA “We Are America”

Link 01 Logo 02A

Synopsis: The National Rifle Association reminds America’s arrogant elites that their power is subject to the consent of 4.2 million crazy bastards who believe that the next armed revolution is right around the corner and whose deepest sense of personal identity and self-worth depends on possessing, operating, and fetishizing ever-more efficient instruments of death.

Traffic is unusually light at the Epicenter of Evil


While country sleeps, Dianne Feinstein and Chuck Schumer work late into the night plotting to take our guns away and turn them over to the United Nations


Snooty Senate Democrats won’t let Rand Paul into their opulent restroom for fear he might try to use it to perform baptisms or brew moonshine


One of 17 non-toothless women in America who enjoys pretending to mow down zombies with military-style assault weapons just as much as her abusive, paranoid husband


The couple that slays together stays together


… is the simple joy of killing God’s creatures while drunk off their ass


More representative sample of NRA membership reveals endless sea of balding, middle-aged white males


Suicidal jumpers denied right to kill themselves with firearms cause chaos on Golden Gate Bridge


Cash-strapped San Francisco city government now regrets spending $200 million to erect gigantic, off-putting sign in harbor


True American patriot stands ready to overthrow his democratically-elected government if it passes legislation supported by a majority of his fellow citizens


Elitist president doesn’t even mow his own lawn


Worried homeowner hopes he finishes cleaning gutters before black helicopters come back


Under Constitution, all powers not expressly delegated to the federal government are reserved to Bill Johnson of South Fork, Nebraska


Vigilant family keeps watch for Redcoats, UPS truck


FBI and local law enforcement agents bring Ted Nugent in for another day of questioning


Clyde Simmons sweeps up empty shell casings and bits of brain matter in open-carry barbershop


“Bring us your tired, your hungry, your Glock-wielding maniacs … “


Cheryl successfully repelled a dozen imaginary rapists just this week


NRA male fantasy: two hot, gun-toting chicks who don’t believe in using contraception suddenly show up at your survivalist compound to help defend your constitutional right to bear arms and participate in an awesome three-way


Seconds later, Jerry is bumped by floating letters and accidentally amputates right leg


Ann Coulter defends her Idaho fort against marauding homosexuals


Possessing a deadly weapon is a lot like making a finely-honed wood picture frame in some oblique, unexplained way


Disgruntled GM assembly line employee can’t wait for “Bring Your Gun to Work Day”


Preparing for federal incursion, Joe begins clear-cutting 20-foot-wide security zone around property he later discovers is actually owned by his neighbors


If guns were outlawed, troubled loner would just use freely-available blowtorch to settle score with society


Members of Arizona Citizens Border Patrol decide not to report slain Italian wildlife biologist mistaken for Mexican illegal immigrant


Next they’ll try to take away our softball bats


Eager children race home after school for another exciting game of Russian Roulette with Bobby’s dad’s well-hidden .45


One represents her ex, one represents her AA counselor, and one represents that bitch at Bon-Ton who declined her credit card


Bud carefully unhooks juvenile lake trout before shooting it with his semiautomatic


Parents don’t have the heart to tell Cody that he failed federal background check


You know what this commercial needs?  More American flags.


To the chagrin of roving Chinese imperialists, someone has already claimed this snow-covered pile of discarded roofing material for the United States


The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun – unless the bad guy with a gun has a bigger gun, or better aim, or is wearing a bulletproof vest, or has taken a hostage, or …

Loathsomeness: 9.2


  1. The really interesting thing is that most of the NRA's operating budget comes from gun manufacturers. That's right....they ain't the people. They're the gun makers lobby.

    1. This. That's why even pro-gun folks are waking up and beginning to loathe the NRA. I'm all for defending the second amendment, but the current NRA doesn't look out for the rights of Americans any more than the Tobacco Institute did.

    2. I wonder how much money they're getting from Crickett.

  2. Guns don't kill people -- people who make guns kill people.

    1. I'm so thankful that we have people like you out there.....way out there.
      "Guns don't kill people -- people who make guns kill people."
      That is so accurate and to the point I almost feel like I'm in utopia. Thank you. I've always wonder why we didn't blame the airplane manufactures for 9/11.... After all they made the plane and it crashed into the buildings killing all those people--we can't blame the actual people that hijacked it and ran it into the building! I also wonder why we didn't go after the person who made the pressure cooker bomb, along with the other materials used, that were used in Boston for that marathon... instead of the person who actually came up with the idea, planted it and waited for it to explode..killing people. Oh well, guess people don't see the world as us liberals see it, which there is no reason why they shouldn't. It's best for us so it will be best for everyone else, period!

    2. Are you asking me if your comment was sarcasm? Hmmm ... I would say, "Yes." But consider this. Manufacturers are often held liable for designing products that cause no harm if used properly, but are susceptible to being used improperly, to the extent that they are deemed to be unreasonably dangerous. This is not a novel concept. I was being intentionally trite about gun manufacturers killing people, but I do believe that there are many types of guns that should be taken off the market because of the danger they pose to the public.

      One other point. Gun nuts always set up the "blame" issue as an "either/or" proposition, asserting that any mention of the need for greater gun control after a shooting means that the actual shooter is somehow exonerated for his own actions. But it can be BOTH things -- the shooter can be held responsible, AND we can think about what laws might help prevent such shootings from occurring again in the future. That's not utopia, it's just common sense.

  3. You guys are fucking idiots.

    1. No, I'd never do that. Only smart women turn me on.

    2. LOL...Good one "The Editor."

    3. Nailed it! (No pun intended ;) Your sense of humor rocks =D

  4. Nice, all hunters must be drunk inbreds. Take another bite of that CAFO USDA approved burger

    1. Oh, yes--and every member of the NRA is out there hunting his/her own dinner (and then getting the meat approved by the USDA?). Makes sense.

    2. I don't recall saying inbreds.

  5. "Ann Coulter defends her Idaho fort against marauding homosexuals" win.

    1. After they capture her, they're going to force her to marry Janet Reno.

  6. And pray God they get her soon.

  7. Replies
    1. [Sigh] All that work down the drain ...

    2. This entire parody is downright un-American. To the editor: You suck!

  8. BRILLIANT, laugh-out-loud funny. I shared it. It's GREAT.

  9. pointless...wish I read the title sooner.

    1. Yeah -- I mean, we put it right up there ...

  10. The 2nd amendment is not going anywhere so you literally have two options: if you're against anyone owning a firearm then you're living in the wrong country and should move, if you are not against citizens owning a firearm then you should work with your congressman or woman to help create better regulations so that we can ensure firearms do not end up in the wrong hands. Otherwise all you're doing is spouting a bunch of nonsense that quite frankly doesn't do a damn thing but flame an issue that is completely out of your control.

    1. But I so love spouting nonsense ...

  11. It's quite likely that people of the time thought that the Dred Scott decision wasn't "going anywhere" either, but change isn't impossible.

    1. I wonder how many NRA members wouldn't be all that upset about the Dred Scott decision if it were rendered today.