Sunday, February 24, 2013

NRA “We Are America”

Link 01 Logo 02A

Synopsis: The National Rifle Association reminds America’s arrogant elites that their power is subject to the consent of 4.2 million crazy bastards who believe that the next armed revolution is right around the corner and whose deepest sense of personal identity and self-worth depends on possessing, operating, and fetishizing ever-more efficient instruments of death.

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Traffic is unusually light at the Epicenter of Evil

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While country sleeps, Dianne Feinstein and Chuck Schumer work late into the night plotting to take our guns away and turn them over to the United Nations

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Snooty Senate Democrats won’t let Rand Paul into their opulent restroom for fear he might try to use it to perform baptisms or brew moonshine

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One of 17 non-toothless women in America who enjoys pretending to mow down zombies with military-style assault weapons just as much as her abusive, paranoid husband

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The couple that slays together stays together

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… is the simple joy of killing God’s creatures while drunk off their ass

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More representative sample of NRA membership reveals endless sea of balding, middle-aged white males

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Suicidal jumpers denied right to kill themselves with firearms cause chaos on Golden Gate Bridge

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Cash-strapped San Francisco city government now regrets spending $200 million to erect gigantic, off-putting sign in harbor

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True American patriot stands ready to overthrow his democratically-elected government if it passes legislation supported by a majority of his fellow citizens

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Elitist president doesn’t even mow his own lawn

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Worried homeowner hopes he finishes cleaning gutters before black helicopters come back

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Under Constitution, all powers not expressly delegated to the federal government are reserved to Bill Johnson of South Fork, Nebraska

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Vigilant family keeps watch for Redcoats, UPS truck

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FBI and local law enforcement agents bring Ted Nugent in for another day of questioning

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Clyde Simmons sweeps up empty shell casings and bits of brain matter in open-carry barbershop

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“Bring us your tired, your hungry, your Glock-wielding maniacs … “

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Cheryl successfully repelled a dozen imaginary rapists just this week

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NRA male fantasy: two hot, gun-toting chicks who don’t believe in using contraception suddenly show up at your survivalist compound to help defend your constitutional right to bear arms and participate in an awesome three-way

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Seconds later, Jerry is bumped by floating letters and accidentally amputates right leg

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Ann Coulter defends her Idaho fort against marauding homosexuals

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Possessing a deadly weapon is a lot like making a finely-honed wood picture frame in some oblique, unexplained way

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Disgruntled GM assembly line employee can’t wait for “Bring Your Gun to Work Day”

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Preparing for federal incursion, Joe begins clear-cutting 20-foot-wide security zone around property he later discovers is actually owned by his neighbors

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If guns were outlawed, troubled loner would just use freely-available blowtorch to settle score with society

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Members of Arizona Citizens Border Patrol decide not to report slain Italian wildlife biologist mistaken for Mexican illegal immigrant

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Next they’ll try to take away our softball bats

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Eager children race home after school for another exciting game of Russian Roulette with Bobby’s dad’s well-hidden .45

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One represents her ex, one represents her AA counselor, and one represents that bitch at Bon-Ton who declined her credit card

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Bud carefully unhooks juvenile lake trout before shooting it with his semiautomatic

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Parents don’t have the heart to tell Cody that he failed federal background check

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You know what this commercial needs?  More American flags.

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To the chagrin of roving Chinese imperialists, someone has already claimed this snow-covered pile of discarded roofing material for the United States

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The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun – unless the bad guy with a gun has a bigger gun, or better aim, or is wearing a bulletproof vest, or has taken a hostage, or …

Loathsomeness: 9.2

24 comments:

  1. The really interesting thing is that most of the NRA's operating budget comes from gun manufacturers. That's right....they ain't the people. They're the gun makers lobby.

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    1. This. That's why even pro-gun folks are waking up and beginning to loathe the NRA. I'm all for defending the second amendment, but the current NRA doesn't look out for the rights of Americans any more than the Tobacco Institute did.

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    2. I wonder how much money they're getting from Crickett.

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  2. Guns don't kill people -- people who make guns kill people.

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  3. You guys are fucking idiots.

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    1. No, I'd never do that. Only smart women turn me on.

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    2. LOL...Good one "The Editor."

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    3. Nailed it! (No pun intended ;) Your sense of humor rocks =D

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  4. Nice, all hunters must be drunk inbreds. Take another bite of that CAFO USDA approved burger

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    Replies
    1. Oh, yes--and every member of the NRA is out there hunting his/her own dinner (and then getting the meat approved by the USDA?). Makes sense.

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    2. I don't recall saying inbreds.

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  5. "Ann Coulter defends her Idaho fort against marauding homosexuals" win.

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    1. After they capture her, they're going to force her to marry Janet Reno.

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  6. And pray God they get her soon.

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  7. Replies
    1. [Sigh] All that work down the drain ...

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    2. This entire parody is downright un-American. To the editor: You suck!

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  8. BRILLIANT, laugh-out-loud funny. I shared it. It's GREAT.

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  9. pointless...wish I read the title sooner.

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    Replies
    1. Yeah -- I mean, we put it right up there ...

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  10. The 2nd amendment is not going anywhere so you literally have two options: if you're against anyone owning a firearm then you're living in the wrong country and should move, if you are not against citizens owning a firearm then you should work with your congressman or woman to help create better regulations so that we can ensure firearms do not end up in the wrong hands. Otherwise all you're doing is spouting a bunch of nonsense that quite frankly doesn't do a damn thing but flame an issue that is completely out of your control.

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    Replies
    1. But I so love spouting nonsense ...

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