Sunday, February 24, 2013

NRA “We Are America”

Link 01 Logo 02A

Synopsis: The National Rifle Association reminds America’s arrogant elites that their power is subject to the consent of 4.2 million crazy bastards who believe that the next armed revolution is right around the corner and whose deepest sense of personal identity and self-worth depends on possessing, operating, and fetishizing ever-more efficient instruments of death.

Traffic is unusually light at the Epicenter of Evil


While country sleeps, Dianne Feinstein and Chuck Schumer work late into the night plotting to take our guns away and turn them over to the United Nations


Snooty Senate Democrats won’t let Rand Paul into their opulent restroom for fear he might try to use it to perform baptisms or brew moonshine


One of 17 non-toothless women in America who enjoys pretending to mow down zombies with military-style assault weapons just as much as her abusive, paranoid husband


The couple that slays together stays together


… is the simple joy of killing God’s creatures while drunk off their ass


More representative sample of NRA membership reveals endless sea of balding, middle-aged white males


Suicidal jumpers denied right to kill themselves with firearms cause chaos on Golden Gate Bridge


Cash-strapped San Francisco city government now regrets spending $200 million to erect gigantic, off-putting sign in harbor


True American patriot stands ready to overthrow his democratically-elected government if it passes legislation supported by a majority of his fellow citizens


Elitist president doesn’t even mow his own lawn


Worried homeowner hopes he finishes cleaning gutters before black helicopters come back


Under Constitution, all powers not expressly delegated to the federal government are reserved to Bill Johnson of South Fork, Nebraska


Vigilant family keeps watch for Redcoats, UPS truck


FBI and local law enforcement agents bring Ted Nugent in for another day of questioning


Clyde Simmons sweeps up empty shell casings and bits of brain matter in open-carry barbershop


“Bring us your tired, your hungry, your Glock-wielding maniacs … “


Cheryl successfully repelled a dozen imaginary rapists just this week


NRA male fantasy: two hot, gun-toting chicks who don’t believe in using contraception suddenly show up at your survivalist compound to help defend your constitutional right to bear arms and participate in an awesome three-way


Seconds later, Jerry is bumped by floating letters and accidentally amputates right leg


Ann Coulter defends her Idaho fort against marauding homosexuals


Possessing a deadly weapon is a lot like making a finely-honed wood picture frame in some oblique, unexplained way


Disgruntled GM assembly line employee can’t wait for “Bring Your Gun to Work Day”


Preparing for federal incursion, Joe begins clear-cutting 20-foot-wide security zone around property he later discovers is actually owned by his neighbors


If guns were outlawed, troubled loner would just use freely-available blowtorch to settle score with society


Members of Arizona Citizens Border Patrol decide not to report slain Italian wildlife biologist mistaken for Mexican illegal immigrant


Next they’ll try to take away our softball bats


Eager children race home after school for another exciting game of Russian Roulette with Bobby’s dad’s well-hidden .45


One represents her ex, one represents her AA counselor, and one represents that bitch at Bon-Ton who declined her credit card


Bud carefully unhooks juvenile lake trout before shooting it with his semiautomatic


Parents don’t have the heart to tell Cody that he failed federal background check


You know what this commercial needs?  More American flags.


To the chagrin of roving Chinese imperialists, someone has already claimed this snow-covered pile of discarded roofing material for the United States


The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun – unless the bad guy with a gun has a bigger gun, or better aim, or is wearing a bulletproof vest, or has taken a hostage, or …

Loathsomeness: 9.2


  1. The really interesting thing is that most of the NRA's operating budget comes from gun manufacturers. That's right....they ain't the people. They're the gun makers lobby.

    1. This. That's why even pro-gun folks are waking up and beginning to loathe the NRA. I'm all for defending the second amendment, but the current NRA doesn't look out for the rights of Americans any more than the Tobacco Institute did.

    2. I wonder how much money they're getting from Crickett.

  2. Guns don't kill people -- people who make guns kill people.

    1. I'm so thankful that we have people like you out there.....way out there.
      "Guns don't kill people -- people who make guns kill people."
      That is so accurate and to the point I almost feel like I'm in utopia. Thank you. I've always wonder why we didn't blame the airplane manufactures for 9/11.... After all they made the plane and it crashed into the buildings killing all those people--we can't blame the actual people that hijacked it and ran it into the building! I also wonder why we didn't go after the person who made the pressure cooker bomb, along with the other materials used, that were used in Boston for that marathon... instead of the person who actually came up with the idea, planted it and waited for it to explode..killing people. Oh well, guess people don't see the world as us liberals see it, which there is no reason why they shouldn't. It's best for us so it will be best for everyone else, period!

    2. Are you asking me if your comment was sarcasm? Hmmm ... I would say, "Yes." But consider this. Manufacturers are often held liable for designing products that cause no harm if used properly, but are susceptible to being used improperly, to the extent that they are deemed to be unreasonably dangerous. This is not a novel concept. I was being intentionally trite about gun manufacturers killing people, but I do believe that there are many types of guns that should be taken off the market because of the danger they pose to the public.

      One other point. Gun nuts always set up the "blame" issue as an "either/or" proposition, asserting that any mention of the need for greater gun control after a shooting means that the actual shooter is somehow exonerated for his own actions. But it can be BOTH things -- the shooter can be held responsible, AND we can think about what laws might help prevent such shootings from occurring again in the future. That's not utopia, it's just common sense.

    3. Nukes don't kill people. irresponsible nuke owners kill people. They'll get my nukes when they pry them from my cold, dead hands.

    4. I'm just curious as to why, if AR 15s and other misnamed "assault rifles" are so deadly, there were less than 300 people in the US killed by someone using a rifle of any kind, and less than 100 killed by using an AR 15 or similar style rifle? If the were so deadly and dangerous, wouldn't they be used in more killings? Or, is it that people using them a are just incompetent and not using them to their potential?

    5. Rifles are a LOT harder to hide.

    6. If we could ban handguns, I'd be more than happy to let people keep their rifles. Where do I sign?

  3. You guys are fucking idiots.

    1. No, I'd never do that. Only smart women turn me on.

    2. LOL...Good one "The Editor."

    3. Nailed it! (No pun intended ;) Your sense of humor rocks =D

    4. They're fun while the sex lasts, but are terrible conversationalists.

  4. Nice, all hunters must be drunk inbreds. Take another bite of that CAFO USDA approved burger

    1. Oh, yes--and every member of the NRA is out there hunting his/her own dinner (and then getting the meat approved by the USDA?). Makes sense.

    2. I don't recall saying inbreds.

    3. Most actual hunters are not the whack jobs, and are embarrassed to be associated with them. Other than that, I loved this erudite presentation.

    4. Thanks, man; I appreciate your comments here.

  5. "Ann Coulter defends her Idaho fort against marauding homosexuals" win.

    1. After they capture her, they're going to force her to marry Janet Reno.

  6. And pray God they get her soon.

  7. Replies
    1. [Sigh] All that work down the drain ...

    2. This entire parody is downright un-American. To the editor: You suck!

  8. BRILLIANT, laugh-out-loud funny. I shared it. It's GREAT.

  9. pointless...wish I read the title sooner.

    1. Yeah -- I mean, we put it right up there ...

    2. But if it's not printed on the handle of a 38 special, I didn't think you ammosexuals could read? Personally, I thought putting it right up there in the title, was kind of a 'gimme'.

  10. The 2nd amendment is not going anywhere so you literally have two options: if you're against anyone owning a firearm then you're living in the wrong country and should move, if you are not against citizens owning a firearm then you should work with your congressman or woman to help create better regulations so that we can ensure firearms do not end up in the wrong hands. Otherwise all you're doing is spouting a bunch of nonsense that quite frankly doesn't do a damn thing but flame an issue that is completely out of your control.

  11. It's quite likely that people of the time thought that the Dred Scott decision wasn't "going anywhere" either, but change isn't impossible.

    1. I wonder how many NRA members wouldn't be all that upset about the Dred Scott decision if it were rendered today.

    2. I wonder how many anti-gun fanatics still wish to deny blacks and others they consider "dangerous minorities" the right to bear arms?

    3. "Staple Gun Kid"? Sounds like you had a colorful childhood.

      I don't think it's the "anti-gun fanatics" who regard blacks as "dangerous minorities."

  12. Dear Editor, love this page. Love your comment about either/or. Unfortunately, small minds have to think either/or. I'm a bit of a dichotomy myself. Own a couple of old shotguns, love to bird hunt with a good dog, only shoot what I will actually eat, and detest the NRA. They used to actually back common sense gun control laws, until they were taken over by the industry and the current crop of crackpots. I'm bookmarking this page. Nice work.

    1. Thanks very much; I appreciate that. It's nice to hear from a truly reasonable and responsible gun owner. Please keep checking in.

  13. Aren't there more like 5+million crazy bastards now? And they vote too, the dirty bastards... them and the millions other that are crazy bastards that aren't in the NRA. These are votes that good people that support gay rights, drug legalization, minority rights, women's rights, fair economic policies and sensible foreign policies do not get. Yes, reasonable politicians can win majorities sometimes, but without those crazy bastards' votes, there will never be a mandate to call for the next "New Deal" or "Great Society" that a lot of folks feel like this country needs. You can say that these crazy bastards don’t account for that much power, wouldn’t vote for those issues anyways, or are holding the other issues hostage, but that’s just fiddling while Rome burns. Show me a liberal/progressive/Democrat that burns with the same or greater desire to uphold the 2nd Amendment as these “crazy bastards,” and I’ll vote for that candidate… early! Otherwise, while you’re fiddling, let me show you the world’s smallest violin.

    Truly reasonable and responsible gun owners… the vast majority of us are. How about some truly reasonable and responsible progressives for a change? Heck, even Ivory soap only claims to be 99.44% pure, and it sells.


    One of a great many deemed a “crazy bastard” by the Editor, always looking forward to election day with a crazed look in his eye

    1. I think that's (mostly) a fair point. Certainly there appears to be an enthusiasm gap between the "gun rights" electorate and the "gun regulation" electorate, and until the latter gets as motivated as the former, probably nothing will change. But regarding the possibility of political reconciliation, it would help considerably if these "reasonable and responsible" gun owners you speak of stood up against the NRA's extreme positions. By contrast, the restrictions that most progressives endorse are relatively modest measures like gun registration and background checks, hardly a broad assault on the Second Amendment.

    2. Gun registration is pointless and expensive. Canada instituted a long gun (rifles/shotguns) registration and it was supposed to cost 2 million to set up, then be self sustaining off of the fees levied on gun owners. The purpose of it was to reduce crime and help solve crimes. It cost over a billion dollars and was used in exactly one case as a secondary confirmation. Also there was mass disobedience as about half of the gun owners just didn't bother, so cops weren't 'safer' because while they knew if you had a rifle, they didn't and couldn't know that you don't, so they had to approach every residence under the assumption that the resident might be armed, just like they did before. They finally just ditched the whole system.

      As for 'universal background checks', most people selling guns at gun shows are federally licensed dealers and thus have to run background checks anyway. When it comes to private sales, do you really think that a criminal is going to sell a gun to another gang banger and be like "Oh wait up homey, we gotta run down to Bass Pro so they can do a background check on you." There is no way to enforce it without registering every single one of the 300-400 million guns in the US and physically inspecting each one. I guarantee you that most people will not comply and there's no way to prove it. "No officer, I don't have any guns, I sold most of them, then lost the rest in tragic boating accident. Search my house? You got a warrant? No? Go away."

      Besides the logistical impossibility and the insane cost associated with this, it does constitute a serious infringement. A gun registration system would be so expensive as to require fees that would be levied on gun owners, which will keep the people who most need firearms from being able to afford them, the poorest who cannot afford to move away from crime stricken neighborhoods and the people who literally depend on hunting for food. Further, registration has always led to confiscation in every country where it has been enacted. From the obvious historical references like Post WW2 Germany and Turkey to Australia and Canada, where the RCMP has repeatedly decided that a particular gun or line of products that was previously ok to own is now suddenly evil and bad and you can't have it. They have capriciously changed the designation of these guns from 'restricted' or 'non-restricted' to 'prohibited' and demanded that all such guns be turned in with no remuneration. (

      Sorry to be so long winded, but I have put a lot of thought into this. Not out of paranoia or anything, but because the question has been put to me, "what if you're wrong?" I took that question seriously and I hope you will as well.

    3. It was very interesting to read your argument. For a citizen from a gun-controlled European country, this debate can be very baffling.

      Your second paragraph made me wonder. Where do criminals get their guns in the USA? The abvious answer would be: "other criminals" but then I reconsidered.

      The police are confiscating illegal guns on a daily basis. Assuming there is no decline in gun-ownership among criminals, legal guns must somehow be entering the illegal circuit at the same rate or worse.

      Setting aside the notion of known gang members putting in direct mass others with the gun manufacturers (at least, I profoundly hope so) the private market seems like an interesting route to obtain a gun if you do not qualify for one.

      Now, of course preventing law-abiding citizens from selling their legal firearms to strangers (without a background check) isn't going to stop all guns from entering the illegal circuit, but there must be plenty law-abiding people who wouldn't resell their guns illegaly.

      My assumption is that, in time, this will make it more difficult for a person who does not qualify to get his er her hands on a gun. Be curious to know your thoughts on this.

    4. If you shrug your shoulders and say we should do nothing in the face of 45 school shootings per year and 9,000 innocent people gunned down per year then you are neither reasonable or responsible.

    5. This is a good exchange. My simplistic and politically fanciful response is that, honestly, yes, if it were up to me, I'd go well beyond enhanced background checks and stricter registration requirements and ban private ownership of most types of guns outright, confiscating them if they weren't turned in voluntarily. This might require a repeal of the Second Amendment (although, as a lawyer, I'm not convinced that it does). I recognize that it's not likely to happen any time soon, but I truly believe that America would be a better place as a result.

  14. "Crazy bastard" again... don't get me wrong, the NRA advertising is inane... for the same reason as Coca-Cola advertising is inane... the stuff just sells.

    1. I was going to say Coke products don't kill as many people as guns do, but upon further consideration, I'm actually not sure about that.

  15. Someone linked this article from the comments on MotherJones news article. I'm so glad I clicked the link. I don't know if I can call this an "article", but it was hilarious, nonetheless. The comments were also worth reading. The editor's replies were worth the price of admission.
    p.s. I was given a 22 rifle on my 14th birthday that I still have. I inherited an old shotgun, and I purchased a pistol 30 years ago to carry on some of my more remote expeditions. I find firearms to be useful, and they can provide peace of mind, at times. However, I don't want to live in a world where everyone has to carry a firearm for personal protection. I've met a few people, and I have some idea of what qualifies as good judgement to some of them.

  16. Comrade RutherfordAugust 31, 2015 at 3:34 PM

    "More representative sample of NRA membership reveals endless sea of balding, middle-aged white males"

    Wait, what?

    "balding, middle-aged white male"

    OMG, THAT'S ME!!!

    Odd, I feel no compulsion to buy a gun… Something must wrong with me.

    1. u must not have a beer belly, then.

    2. "Don't Tread On Me" t-shirts only come in extra large.


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