DPRK “Wonderful Dream”

 

Synopsis: The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, via its unpronounceable propaganda website, Uriminzokkiri, via the insane cinematic fantasies of its Supreme Leader, Kim Jong Un, wistfully portrays the future annihilation of the United States by an animated toy spaceship to a gentle piano rendition of Michael Jackson’s “We Are the World.”  Seriously.

 
Patriotic North Korean worker sleeps peacefully next to 1993 Canon video camera manufactured in neighboring country that formerly ruled his people

-0:02-

 
Camera lacks film, costs more than he earns in a year, and would get him arrested for espionage if he took it out of the house, but it makes a great conversation piece

-0:04-

Suddenly Tinkerbell arrives from Party Headquarters to induce state-sanctioned dream

-0:06-

Empty dinner plate is official seal of North Korea

-0:17-

Usually he dreams about finding discarded sack of rotting potatoes, but this time is different

-0:25-

Through trippy pink haze, massive, thrusting rocket lifts off …

-0:34-

… piloted by Kate Upton

-0:38-

Oh, wait – that’s my wonderful dream.

-0:41-

Looks like they forgot to remove all the cellophane.

-0:43-

If rocket crashes, 1500 members of launch team who witnessed it will be summarily shot

-0:54-

 
Worker dreams of sleeping through dream

-0:57-

 
Empty propellant tank falls back to People’s Republic, where it will be turned into People’s Apartments

-1:06-

As a rule, you should never give your nation’s signature spacecraft a name that’s too long to fit on a commemorative postage stamp

-1:10-

 
Literally translated, “kwangmyungsong” means “bound to hit something”

-1:11-

 
“Moonraker”  just opened in Pyongyang

-1:15-

North Korean dream shuttle of death whizzes by non-imaginary International Space Station built by United States

-1:17-

Earth looks like forgotten hunk of cheese in your refrigerator

-1:21-

Speaking of stark contrasts, while North Korea’s comically delusional leadership plays with space toys, its starving subjects trade recipes for boiled bark

-1:23-

Objects not to scale

-1:25-

Now he’s just hot-dogging.

-1:27-

 
Whee!

-1:29-

Perfectly green Earth turns out to be uniformly blue

-1:35-

 
I thought it was a video camera.

-1:39-

Dennis Rodman is the tall guy standing in front

-1:41-

 
I hate it when concerns rush over me.

-1:46-

Not pictured: South Korea

-1:53-

Ironic tribute to continent that annoying song was actually about

-1:57-

For Christ’s sake, just bomb the damn planet already!

-1:58-

This is like Earth as pictured by Marvin the Martian.

-2:03-

That means America hasn’t chosen a Pope yet.

-2:05-

In response to destruction of its World Headquarters and deaths of countless unarmed civilians, U.N. proposed tough new sanctions on North Korean ball bearing imports

-2:07-

Even without North Korean attack, gigantic American flag would have suffocated millions

-2:11-

 
Makers of “Call of Duty” video game strongly objected to North Korea appropriating its depictions of horrific violence intended for American children

-2:15-

If you live in a place called “The Devil’s Nest,” you really shouldn’t be surprised if something like this happens

-2:18-

 
I knew habitually causing wars of invasion and persistence would come back to haunt us.

-2:22-

In final seconds, Mayor Bloomberg signed citywide potato chip ban into law

-2:28-

 
That’s nuclear fallout, dumbass.

-2:47-

Now think about this: the GDP of Ryan Seacrest is greater than North Korea

-3:00-

If only Obama had apologized more …

-3:03-

No – not our schemes!

-3:09-

Memo to Captain Crazy: Americans don’t really give a shit what happens to your Paektu Mountain country one way or the other

-3:17-

 
Fortunately, only target in United States within range of North Korean missiles is Sarah Palin’s house, so the joke’s on them

-3:29-

 
Thus ends our nutty magical adventure.

-3:33-

Moral of the story: Ambien and chronic malnutrition don’t mix.

Loathsomeness: 6.2