Synopsis: Trying to rally dispirited members and donors after adverse developments in New York and elsewhere, the anti-equality National Organization for Marriage takes a break from selectively reciting the Old Testament to recap recent fleeting victories in the War on Love.
Best way to punish big corporations is to purchase their products for express purpose of not consuming them
Jesus died on the cross so this moron could throw away a $2.25 cup of Caffe Verona
Satanic gay-friendly beverage dissolves virtuous concrete
That’ll teach Starbucks to defy God
Courageous act of civil disobedience evokes Gandhi and Dr. King
Now the alligators are going to be up all night
Finally – an organization to defend the rights of oppressed Christian heterosexuals
Karen tearfully recounts how she was persecuted for not wanting to marry another woman
When she walks down the street with her opposite-sex spouse, everyone points and stares
Next up on Indiana legislative calendar: joint resolution condemning heliocentric model of solar system
“I feel truly blessed to have grown up with both a mother and a father,” said Tucson resident Jared Loughner, shortly before his sentencing.
So, I guess we’ll also be banning divorce, then?
Or, at least, 53% of America
Other constitutionally permissible marital arrangements include: one man & one woman & one Argentinian mistress (Mark Sanford, R-SC), one man & one woman & one campaign aide’s wife (John Ensign, R-NV), one man & one woman & one prostitute (David Vitter, R-LA), and one man & one woman & one random dude in an airport bathroom stall (Larry Craig, R-ID)
NOM forbids pink highlight pens
Fayetteville residents gather to play Hungry Hungry Homophobes
Only in America could standing in line to buy fast food be considered a noble form of political protest
Eileen Travis strikes a blow for traditional family values and chronic obesity while riding in car manufactured by company that actually supports gay marriage
Average age of people who still give a shit whether gays get married is 62
Spurred by outpouring of public support, restaurant chain vowed that, in addition to opposing gay marriage, it will also stop serving meat from gay chickens
34% of GOP debate attendees have cheated on their spouse; another 40% would jump at the chance if they knew someone else who didn’t find them repulsive
Not pictured: Jon Huntsman
Michele Bachmann smiles at incredibly gay husband in audience
Ron Paul is opposed to gay marriage. He’s also opposed to fluoride.
Thrice-wedded serial adulterer and open marriage proponent Newt Gingrich signed pledge while hitting on FedEx delivery woman
“After spending thousands of hours reviewing accounts and depictions of homosexual practices, I have concluded that gay unions represent a grave threat to the American way of life, although I will be conducting further research before releasing my final report.”
Unfortunately, none signed pledge not to lose election
Targeted web ads (right) show that typical gay marriage opponent is a troubled alcoholic …
… who thinks Chevy hatchbacks are really cool cars
If amendment had failed, traditional wedding cake ornament would be replaced with culinary display of Rosie O’Donnell having sex with some other skanky lesbian on top of American flag
A vote to prevent people from getting married is a vote for marriage. In other news, day is night.
“I am pleased to announce that, with 86% of precincts reporting, North Carolina has passed a discriminatory constitutional amendment that will either be struck down by the U.S. Supreme Court or be repealed by another statewide referendum within four years.”
Linda Jackson is proud to live in a state that wouldn’t allow her to marry a white man until 1971 and still wouldn’t mind so much if she decided to move someplace else
Victory for bigotry makes everyone smile
Even after eight months of intensive conversion therapy, NOM President Brian Brown still can’t stop Satan from replaying David Beckham’s underwear commercial over and over again in his mind
NOM officials excitedly spot Jesus descending from heaven seconds before he turns them into salt
Seven North Carolina counties voted against the amendment; four others were so embarrassed that they seceded from the state
Green represents areas where you don’t want your car to break down
We’ll see how that works out.
By the end of the year, these troglodytic idiots won’t even have enough money for a PowerPoint presentation.