Synopsis: A responsible American gun manufacturer tries to capture a share of the burgeoning elementary school-age market for lethal weapons by offering children toy guns that, as it turns out, are actually real.
Billy leaves for shooting range with Dad while little sister Madison makes sure to keep her hands in the air where he can see them
Things suddenly get tense when another neighborhood boy breaches home’s security perimeter with suspicious-looking soccer ball
After brief stare-down, Billy decides he’s not worth it
If this were a school day, he’d be wearing his Crickett body armor
“You know that thing that makes people dead on TV? My parents bought me one for my birthday!”
“Maybe you ought to give me that new skateboard of yours.”
“Uh … sure, Billy – whatever you say.”
“It’s funny – you look the same, but now you seem like a big man.”
Lucas realizes that the water balloon wars are over
Billy’s kiddie .22 came with an attached brochure from Keystone Sporting Arms explaining how the company will not be liable if he mows down his family
“Now remember, son, your Mom and Dad love you very, very much, especially when they’re asleep.”
Just to be on the safe side, Billy’s parents install a deadbolt lock on their bedroom door later that afternoon
Yes, this is really happening.
What could possibly go wrong?
Billy hasn’t yet read part of safety manual advising user not to point barrel of gun directly at bystander’s forehead
When Billy takes aim at passing Cessna, Dad quickly intervenes
“Keep the gun level – just like in Call of Duty.”
“Now take your ammo before Dianne Feinstein snatches it away.“
“If those targets were ATF agents, you’d have to do this faster.”
Look at his cute little hands trying to load the rifle – that’s adorable.
The only thing that stops a bad fourth-grader with a gun is a good fourth-grader with a gun
It’s gonna be a lot harder to get him to clean his room now
Soon he’ll be ready for My First Grenade Launcher
“Whoa! Making tiny holes in things is fun!”
Nothing wrong with selling guns to consumers who are still receptive to warnings issued by a talking insect
Davey doesn’t say, “Over 500 U.S. children die from accidental gun shootings each year.”
And then, incredibly, it gets worse …
Pink killing devices are for girls
“… and Mommy’s matches her purse!”
The rifle inadvertently lined up for a shot right between Billy’s eyes is almost certainly probably not loaded
This is going to make a great Christmas card photo
Finally – simulated violence that the whole family can enjoy
Not only do the Johnsons refuse to submit to socialist recycling laws, they summarily execute their reusable containers out of spite
Take that, Al Gore!
Because America is just that nuts.