PLEASE VISIT OUR NEW SITE NITWITIA

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

State Farm “Jimmy”

Link 01 Logo 02B

Synopsis: After being involved in a minor rear-end collision, an unfazed State Farm policyholder magically teleports his claims rep to the accident scene while, attempting to save face, the other driver is only able to conjure up his feckless mother and a small portion of her kitchen, to the impertinent delight of his eight-year-old son.

00 
Family vacation to Death Valley isn’t starting out well

-0:01-

01
Only two cars on 100-mile stretch of flat, barren highway somehow managed to collide with each other in broad daylight

-0:02-

02
Rear bumper detached without sustaining any visible sign of impact

-0:03-

03
On his first trip outside Utah, Jimmy’s son Sam is mystified by the sight of an unpixelated African-American

-0:05-

05
“Dad?  Are we in a McDonald’s commercial?”

-0:06-

06
As Kevin confidently chants State Farm’s magic jingle, Jimmy rues his decision to go with Blah Blah Insurance

-0:06-

06A 
Melinda from State Farm instantly materializes, along with the twenty extra pounds she’s gained since college

-0:07-

07 
At her Salt Lake City office, the receptionist she was in the middle of having a conversation with is screaming hysterically

-0:07-

07A
“Maybe next time I’ll pull you out of the shower or somethin’ …”

-0:08-

08
“Yeah, you know what I’m talkin’ about.”

-0:09-

09
“Look at this fool over here – what’s he doin’?”

-0:09-

09A
Jimmy is even worse at conjuring claims reps than he is at driving along perfectly straight roads

-0:10-

10
The last time he tried this, he unwittingly teleported Dennis Haysbert into the cauldron of an active volcano

-0:11-

11
If he’d read the fine print of his policy, he’d know that the Blah Blah Insurance Company doesn’t offer teleportation, and also doesn’t exist

-0:13-

13
Sam observes horrifying preview of own future

-0:13-

13A 
Even harder to believe than teleportational claims service is fact that, on at least one occasion, this man was able to persuade a woman to have sex with him

-0:14-

14
Back home, Jimmy’s father suddenly discovers his wife has vanished and that he now has a clear view of the kitchen TV from his seat on the bathroom toilet

-0:15-

15
It’s the happiest day of his life

-0:16-

16
While Sam calls out to Grandma, Jimmy silently calculates how long it would take for her to die of dehydration

-0:17-

17
“Aren’t we gonna over there, Dad?”

-0:19-

19
“Nah – too many rattlesnakes.”

-0:19-

19A
Phone still works despite other end of severed line protruding from ripped drywall three states away

-0:20-

20
Hold music is continuous loop of Elvis Costello classic “Accidents Will Happen” sung by Bangalore call center employees

-0:21-

21
NSA wiretappers will earn their paychecks today

-0:22-

22
Should’ve summoned the girl from 4E instead.

-0:23-

23
“Stop it, Mom – you’re embarrassing me in front of the black guy I rear-ended and his chubby State Farm rep from another dimension.”

-0:24-

24
Just when they thought it couldn’t get any worse, Grandma starts sweating through her floral-print blouse

-0:26-

26
And having an insurer that will jack up your premium after an auto accident you didn’t cause isn’t the same as having a good neighbor

-0:30-

30 
Put your trust in a company that’s just another Hurricane Sandy away from insolvency

Loathsomeness: 6.3

14 comments:

  1. At least it isn't the one with the creepy old fart taunting the woman with the dollar bill he'd 'found'.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Notably, she went after it -- that's all I'm gonna say.

      Delete
  2. I just wanna know who plays jimmy

    ReplyDelete
  3. David Hoffman Plays Jimmy- cole sand plays the little kid- we do not know who plays the obnoxious grandma
    - Malcolm foster smith plays the bald guy -malinda zampera plays the agent which she is in real life

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sounds like an all-star cast. I hope they realize how many ardent fans they have. I know it came as a surprise to me.

      Delete
  4. Who is Sam waving at in the opposite direction behind the black guy before Grandma appears in the sand down front?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. His mother, running away from that lame-ass family as fast as she can.

      Delete
  5. Where is my comment??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Um ... I don't know. Where did you leave it?

      Delete
  6. you would think that they could also hang the phone on the wall right side up

    ReplyDelete
  7. the grandma and her wall, wallpaper, phone and pic (and polyester outfit) looks like straight off the 70's
    And I wouldn't play touch football with a lass as Malinda playing in the other team, but something tells me she's quite the sweetie not a Sarah Gilbert men-chewing character

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She appears to have a devoted online following.

      Delete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.