Synopsis: An implausibly sexy red-haired young woman uses her Glock G19 to neutralize a burly home invader without firing a shot or denying male viewers their constitutional right to leer at her sweet, freedom-loving body.
As Natasha walks home to her apartment on Sesame Street …
… Butch patiently waits for the right moment to violate his parole
Of course he could easily attack his victim now, when she’s utterly defenseless, and drag her into his unmarked van, but that would go against Article 1 of the Home Invader’s Code
Now let’s meet the star of this commercial: Natasha’s legs.
They make a very persuasive argument for, um … whatever.
Living room is furnished in popular “70’s Porn” style
Let’s see what’s on the fake TV …
Oh, good – “Death Diner” is just starting.
This is what Friday nights are like for lonely, unattractive women who can’t get dates
Outside, Butch ponders whether it’s wise to continue a life of crime
Unfortunately, he’s already purchased the black wool cap, so it’s too late to change careers now
Back in the apartment, Natasha and her legs enjoy the movie
Here comes the famous “shattering coffee pot” scene …
It shows the waitress’s fright when the killer approaches; but on a deeper level, it also symbolizes the breakdown of social order that plagues America
It’s a shame they couldn’t work in sharks somehow
Distracted by sudden knock on door, cameraman slips up and briefly focuses on Natasha’s face
He quickly recovers
Like most urban dwellers, Natasha saw no need to install a deadbolt lock or safety chain to secure her front entrance
Peephole provides reassurance that no one is standing within a 15-degree visual radius from the center of her door
Odd, rhythmic knocking must have been the wind that’s not blowing
Maybe it would help calm her nerves if she took off more clothes …
There it is again – and this time it sounds extra rapey
Why isn’t this working?
Butch is a criminal genius
Natasha desperately tries to remember the phone number for 911
Looks like she’s gonna have to handle this on her own
Someone’s messing with the wrong entomologist
Either she’s retrieving a weapon, or she’s attempting to blend in with her throw pillows
Monsters under bed memorize security code for later use
Pulled-up covers have finally met their match
Always lift a Glock with your amazing legs, not your back
If Crickett made one of these, it would come in pink
The only thing that stops a bad guy without a gun is a chick in tight shorts with a gun
Now armed, Natasha returns to safety of exposed couch
Situation is sufficiently dangerous to justify keeping loaded gun at her side, but not so dire as to compel her to stop watching movie
Drawn-out attempted assault is really getting annoying
I don’t see how anyone could get past this.
Where’s George Zimmerman when you need him?
“Hurry up, you bastard – Chelsea Lately’s on next.”
Prior domestic shootouts have demonstrated that she has better aim with her eyes closed
Maybe it’s just a neighbor or an innocent passerby looking for –
I wonder if this guy knows A.J.
“Mayor Bloomberg isn’t going to save you now, asshole!”
Never before has standing your ground looked so … hot.
You’ve come a long way, baby.
Little-known fact: most hardened criminals are paralyzed with fear at the sight of a gun
Yes, you’re seeing this correctly – he’s fainting.
In the Director’s Cut, she shoots him six times in the chest after he passes out, then uses his blood-dipped finger to scrawl the name of her cheating ex-boyfriend on the hardwood floor
If he’d kept on his wool cap, it might have cushioned his fall
At least his fake beard appears to be intact
This isn’t going to earn him a whole lot of respect on Riker’s Island
Worthless police finally arrive 15 minutes after no one bothered to call them, happy to find that another private citizen has chosen to take the law into her own hands
In surprise casting choice, R. Lee Ermey plays gruff authority figure
“I needed the god-damn paycheck, okay?”
“ … and then he put me in reasonable fear of imminent death or grave bodily harm within the confines of my legal residence, so I knew I had no duty to retreat …”
“Alright, Ma’am – I just need your measurements to complete the report.”
Weaponizing your violent fantasies since 1963