Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Bayer “Flight Attendant”

Link 01 Logo 03B

Synopsis: While something that an overworked sound editor considered to be an exotic Asian melody plays evocatively in the background, an all-American doofus on a Korean Air flight from San Francisco to Seoul tries to describe his back pain to a fluently English-speaking stewardess as if she resides on another planet.

00 
“Dramatization” notice cautions unsuspecting viewers that, while it appears real, portrayal of airline passenger pushing flight attendant call button is a dangerous fantasy

-0:01-

01 
Professional stuntman – do not attempt.

-0:01-

01A
Steve can no longer endure the unrelenting agony of sitting in a plush, cushioned seat while others provide for his every need

-0:01-

01B
Fortunately, he can still use his index finger to point to a patronizing illustration of his discomfort

-0:01-

01C
Same drawing also explains plan to stab man sleeping with his wife

-0:02-

02
Flight attendant’s perfect English, Southern California accent, and understanding demeanor aren’t enough to convince him that she can comprehend simple four-letter words

-0:02-

02A
Play the clip – she sounds like Erin Andrews.

-0:03-

03
“I have pain … PAIN …”

-0:03-

03A
Steve defensively brandishes his water bottle in case things go south

-0:04-

04
“Where I come from, white people need constant medication to deal with imaginary problems.“

-0:04-

04A
“I knew I shouldn’t have tried to lift up that tray table …”

-0:06-

06
In addition to unprescribed aspirin, KAL flight attendants always keep plenty of emergency tongue depressors on hand

-0:07-

07
What’s Korean for “helpless idiot” ?

-0:08-

08 
Good enough for the Nazis – good enough for you

-0:10-

10
Computer animation shows what Steve would look like if he was made entirely of olive oil

-0:11-

11
Bayer Back & Body targets shameful pain centers with sweet breath of enchanted dragon that will live for a thousand years

-0:11-

11A
In just minutes, pain is banished to Land of Wind and Ghosts

-0:11-

11B
For most effective relief, take while naked, staring directly at the sun

-0:12-

12
WARNING: may cause loss of forearms

-0:12-

12A
“Need any help with that, jackass?”

-0:13-

13A
“Thank you so much for sharing your mysterious Oriental wisdom about name-brand pain relievers.”

-0:13-

13B
“Hey – do you people still call corn ‘maize’” ?

-0:14-

14 
“What an amazing and totally inoffensive cross-cultural experience this has been.”

Loathsomeness: 9.6

15 comments:

  1. Watching that video, you never actually see the stewardess's mouth while she's talking, and the dialogue honestly sounds like it was dubbed in later. I wonder if it was initially shot getting laffs out of "ha ha, this lady doesn't speak English well" and then it was later decided this was offensive/off-brand and they just dubbed in different dialogue.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That may well be the case -- when this commercial originally aired, the stewardess had a distinctly Asian accent.

      Delete
  2. "Yes, we have generic back-pain medication. It costs $15 per pill, and exact change is highly appreciated."

    "No, it does not come included with your $12 headphones. Next time, plan ahead, American jagoff."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah, my. The last thing ad-men want in an ad is reality......

      Delete
    2. "Just sign this 6-page waiver ... "

      Delete
  3. EEeecccchhhhh, He might be more palatable if he were made of olive oil instead of WASP cluelessness.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. At least he didn't ask her for a massage.

      Delete
  4. I miss Pointless Planet. Please come back!

    ReplyDelete
  5. +10 points for 'land of wind and ghosts'.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If only we could send Bayer's ad team there.

      Delete
  6. So glad you covered this abomination. Other ads may make me roll my eyes, but this one actually makes me cringe. I watched it twice and pulled a damn neck muscle, and I'm all out of Bayer™ Back and Body aspirin!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sure you can find an ethnic stereotype to give you some. Just be sure to explain that you're not having a heart attack.

      Delete
  7. I seriously lost it at the maize and "land of wind and ghosts" bits.

    The North Korean government probably shows this ad at Juche political rallies to demonstrate the utterly inferior intelligence of Americans.

    ReplyDelete