Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Bayer “Flight Attendant”

Link 01 Logo 03B

Synopsis: While something that an overworked sound editor considered to be an exotic Asian melody plays evocatively in the background, an all-American doofus on a Korean Air flight from San Francisco to Seoul tries to describe his back pain to a fluently English-speaking stewardess as if she resides on another planet.

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“Dramatization” notice cautions unsuspecting viewers that, while it appears real, portrayal of airline passenger pushing flight attendant call button is a dangerous fantasy

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Professional stuntman – do not attempt.

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01A
Steve can no longer endure the unrelenting agony of sitting in a plush, cushioned seat while others provide for his every need

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01B
Fortunately, he can still use his index finger to point to a patronizing illustration of his discomfort

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01C
Same drawing also explains plan to stab man sleeping with his wife

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Flight attendant’s perfect English, Southern California accent, and understanding demeanor aren’t enough to convince him that she can comprehend simple four-letter words

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02A
Play the clip – she sounds like Erin Andrews.

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“I have pain … PAIN …”

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03A
Steve defensively brandishes his water bottle in case things go south

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“Where I come from, white people need constant medication to deal with imaginary problems.“

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04A
“I knew I shouldn’t have tried to lift up that tray table …”

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In addition to unprescribed aspirin, KAL flight attendants always keep plenty of emergency tongue depressors on hand

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What’s Korean for “helpless idiot” ?

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Good enough for the Nazis – good enough for you

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Computer animation shows what Steve would look like if he was made entirely of olive oil

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Bayer Back & Body targets shameful pain centers with sweet breath of enchanted dragon that will live for a thousand years

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In just minutes, pain is banished to Land of Wind and Ghosts

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For most effective relief, take while naked, staring directly at the sun

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WARNING: may cause loss of forearms

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“Need any help with that, jackass?”

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“Thank you so much for sharing your mysterious Oriental wisdom about name-brand pain relievers.”

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13B
“Hey – do you people still call corn ‘maize’” ?

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“What an amazing and totally inoffensive cross-cultural experience this has been.”

Loathsomeness: 9.6

10 comments:

  1. Watching that video, you never actually see the stewardess's mouth while she's talking, and the dialogue honestly sounds like it was dubbed in later. I wonder if it was initially shot getting laffs out of "ha ha, this lady doesn't speak English well" and then it was later decided this was offensive/off-brand and they just dubbed in different dialogue.

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    Replies
    1. That may well be the case -- when this commercial originally aired, the stewardess had a distinctly Asian accent.

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  2. "Yes, we have generic back-pain medication. It costs $15 per pill, and exact change is highly appreciated."

    "No, it does not come included with your $12 headphones. Next time, plan ahead, American jagoff."

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    Replies
    1. Ah, my. The last thing ad-men want in an ad is reality......

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    2. "Just sign this 6-page waiver ... "

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  3. EEeecccchhhhh, He might be more palatable if he were made of olive oil instead of WASP cluelessness.

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    Replies
    1. At least he didn't ask her for a massage.

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  4. I miss Pointless Planet. Please come back!

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  5. +10 points for 'land of wind and ghosts'.

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