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Tuesday, January 13, 2015

McDonald’s “Signs”

Link 01 Logo 01A

Synopsis: McDonald’s attempts to turn things around at its struggling fast-food obesitoriums by showing a series of mushy and occasionally weird restaurant road signs as a horrible children’s rendition of “Carry On” plays in the background.

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Franchise owner honors brave men and women who’ve served in America’s armed forces by tapping a computer keyboard 17 times while finishing his lunch

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McDonald’s joined nation in praying for Drew Barrymore’s career to survive ill-fated relationship with Justin Long

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They’re not really sure if they want you to see this one …

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Atheists can go to Burger King

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Toledo’s urban renaissance can be achieved for $7.95 an hour

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Apparently it’s possible to weep and sell burgers at the same time

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I remember 9/11 too, and I don’t recall anything about Happy Meals.

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McDonald’s will donate a portion of every dollar it earns promoting heart disease to help fight breast cancer

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All must obey McDonald’s spiritual commands

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God also gave you the mine disaster, so it’s kind of a wash.

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If you eat at Arby’s, the terrorists win

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Poor bastard who had to change sign got swept out to sea and was never seen again

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Heartwarming sentiment had to be taken down after Omaha punks kept adding “meth” at the end

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Not even a hurricane can stop McDonald’s from serving whatever’s in a McRib sandwich

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And to think they first met while vomiting in this very parking lot

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McDonald’s tries to convince local resident Rosalie Kay to accept her transgendered son’s new sexual identity

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Um … any dads in particular, or … ?

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The 500th fighter wing eats for free

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Beloved employee Woody Greene started working at McDonald’s in 1957 and has finally earned enough money to pay for his funeral

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But it takes a lot of lovin’ to reverse a 30% profit loss

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… said the McDonald’s CEO who makes 1,159 times more than his average worker

Loathsomeness: 6.7

12 comments:

  1. I was going to do this one, thanks for doing it for me ;>)....this maudlin, manipulative crud is supposed to gain McDonald's accolades? Who could hear anyone else's applause over the sound of their own hands clapping for themselves?

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    Replies
    1. "So the next time you think of planes crashing into buildings, think of McDonald's."

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  2. 0:22 interesting choice of backdrop shooting a pic of their McD's sign behind Stop and Do Not Enter signs

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    Replies
    1. And it looks like right behind the McDonald's is a sleazy motel.

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    2. Convenient for the post-prostitute sex munchies. Coincidence?

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  3. They never really show you the truth in these things. Most of the time, all I see is promos for the latest artery-clogger and/or the time and temperature.

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    Replies
    1. I guess there aren't enough national tragedies or local disasters to monetize at every McDonald's restaurant.

      Delete
  4. Nice! Any thought of doing one on those Lumosity ads? Besides the dubious science and obsessive repetition of the word "brain," the weird animated doodle overlays are a potential comedy goldmine.

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, you're right. Don't know why I didn't think of that myself -- I've seen those stupid ads 1.3 billion times. I must need Lumosity. Or another vodka tonic, whatever.

      Delete
  5. You do realize it is the general managers duties to put the messages on those boards and Not the franchise or corporate offices...right? And the facts you display are opinions and not facts .....and I hate McDonald's but I hate liers more

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    Replies
    1. You do realize that this is satire, right?

      Delete

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